SW 340 - CW 317 - GW 260 25F I've been at this since June of 2020. Doing the work, trying to make healthy, long-term changes. The first 9 months were amazing. Slow and steady, I lost 50 lbs and it felt amazing. I was eating so well, feeling energized, moving daily, fitting into all my old clothes. And then a WHOLE LOT changed in my life, fast. Something really hard happened to a child I worked with, I learned to drive and bought a car, I was starting a new job with barely any training and a ton of responsibility. And I started SSRIs. All within the spring of 2021. And it all came crashing down. Work was so hard and emotionally draining that I was stress eating like a maniac. My meds made me SO hungry, and I had a car so suddenly I had convenient, immediate access to all kinds of drive-thru junk food that I didn't used to bother with before I could drive. And I stopped walking everywhere like I used to. My schedule changed so I barely had time to cook. I was buying those gross ass sugary coffees EVERY morning.
I truly thought I'd never see that 300 mark again but it was so easy to throw it away.
Now here I am. Back up to 317, all the way from 288 in February 2021. My meds have shot my libido and cranked my appetite up to 60 (though they help me way too much to get rid of), and with the weight back on I feel unsexy in a way I never have before. My partner has been so supportive but I know he notices the changes. Y'all, it's hard. I know a hundred of you have been through this same thing. And I KNOW what I have to do. I have to start weighing in weekly again, holding myself accountable. I have to nut up and carve out time for the gym. I have to make more time to cook, and stop making the easier choice to eat shitty food. I have to show myself that radical love and devotion and discipline that got me so far in the first place. And I keep feeling like I'm waiting for "that moment", like some sort of rock bottom to get back on track. I know the truth of it is, it's now or never.
Where the hell is my motivation though? I'm exhausted all the time. My work is demanding, and I'm not in a place financially to just quit. I guess I needed to just get it all out. I'm charging my headphones now. I'm hoping to go check out my apartment's gym tonight. If anyone has some spare energy or kind words to send my way, I'm gonna need everything I've got to get out the door. But maybe today is still a new day.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/qgm1va/a_year_and_a_half_in_needing_a_come_to_jesus/
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