Hi there!
First time posting here. This post is more of a "off my chest" and questions.
So. Here I am, 25M, 5 feet 10 inches and three quarter, 205 lbs.
Here is my story.
Weight fluctuations (chronology)
When I was a kid (yes let's start there), I was a skinny small kid that liked to be cuddled in tightly in my bedsheets. Like a little sausage. Then, APPARENTLY when my parents got divorced, I started to gain weight. My peak was in university not so long ago where I weighted approximately 216 lbs or perhaps 222 lbs I don't remember. I lost weight during COVID when I moved back to my mom's house to live there with her and my sister instead of staying alone in my room with no one else. That was a good move. My mom and I started to watch our calories and we both lost weight. She continues today to track her calories, but I abandonned a long time ago. I got as low as 198 lbs.
Now, I live alone again in a new city (since May 2021) with, like, 1 friend (not that cl0se) and 2 other people I know but rarely see. My closest friends are in another city 1h30 away. My family too. I am gaining weight. Right now, I can't stop ordering Uber Eats. From August to October I've spent between $750 an $950 on food alone in each month. This is hurting my health and my wallet. I'm not in debt because of it, but I could surely save money and pay down faster other debts.
So many questions and overthinking
Now, of course, I am asking myself so many questions. I feel like my overeating is definetly linked to emotions. Like, why would I gain weight after my parents divorcing. It's not like the divorce was a surprise! But, I guess, it might have played a role since I always had difficulty to make friends (I preferred to talk to adults in elementary school until I was about 10 when I made a best friend for the first time and then I got more social).
Being in the new city right now doesn't help I suppose but, that whole social situation is altogether another problem (that might be linked). I know I should get out of my comfort zone more often. Meet new people. But after university this is really hard and unnatural.
On top of this, I don't like my job. I have difficulty to pinpoint what I don't like though. I think it has something to do with meaning and tasks actually. I like some tasks of course, but I know if I stay in this job I'll accomplish nothing. I'm an urban planner by the way. There are solutions to this problem though : I am applying to other jobs. In landscape architecture (my bachelor), transit planning (more data analysis which I like) and other jobs using more technical skills and working "by projects". I feel awful though that I don't like the job I studied for. I feel like it's a failure. What if I still don't like the other jobs? I feel awful to also tell eventually my amazing boss (she's so sweet, but she'll understand) that I'll be leaving for another job. If I succeed in finding another, I'll probably be moving again since the city I currently am in, there isn't a lot of opportunities even though the city is kinda nice. It's 140k people, and, I feel like I want to have a bigger impact in the world too. I have energy to spend and I was thinking going into the private sector for some jobs I mentionned.
However, if I move, should I move closer to my current friends and closer to my family (bigger city too) or move to the prettier city (still big but not as big) if I get a call back from this city instead? I do have friends in the other city, but not as close.
I want to mention that I am single and I never had any romantic relationship yet. I feel like I can't fall in love. I did try a bit, maybe not enough. Although, more recently (last two years) I feel like I am feeling more emotions and being able more and more to like and maybe even love some people! Which is a good sign. Just got to face my fears.
The reasons why I overeat and can't stick to losing weight?
Anyway, back to overeating. I order restaurant food from UberEats because, first, I can order what I specifically want to eat right now and not prep it. I actually like cooking when I begin though. It's more about near-instant gratification. It's also about seeking a specific feeling. Like, watching a movie friday night with good food, but like every single evening. It's almost nostalgia or somthing. I also eat like I'm always going to miss something. Food or FOMO. And I live alone, it's not like someone will steal my food.
I feel, with everything I have written, that I am afraid of taking responsability of myself. To assert myself. To dig deep into something and stick with it (be it a job or dating). Of course, I want to change my current situation. I will change my job. But even then, if I am serious about it, I should consider a pay cut to really gain experience at first (in landscape architecture for example) which, again, is not easy to accept and feel like a failure a bit.
I am trying to work towards a better and happier life. I am very afraid to fail however. I did try weight watchers, calorie counting, physiqonomics (this one was nice actually), etc. I just can't stick with anything. I will try to stick to CICO again maybe. I just... It's frustrating not being accurate and approximating what I eat when I order food for example. I just go by with registring the main ingredients.
I think that sums up almost everything that goes on inside my head. If any of you has or had a similar situation or simply dealing with emotions and want to share your insights, I'd be more than happy to hear them.
Thank you :)
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/qjei6f/i_need_to_change_what_is_my_problem/
No comments:
Post a Comment