tonight i got my photo taken with my halloween pumpkins and, of course, was confronted with the reality of my weight. the photo wasn't painful to look at and, tbh, i think if i dressed properly i could look sort of cute fat. i mean, to me that's not the end goal, i'm just saying i don't think i look the worst i've ever looked. although i'm not a monster and i don't hate my body, i still think that if most women my age were to find themselves in my body, they would be horrified and eat nothing but salads and drink nothing but water until they looked better. as someone who would like to have a normal, healthy bmi that wouldn't cause a slim person to panic, i think a question i should ask myself more often is 'do you really think you should be eating that?'
if someone else were to ask me that, i would tell them to go fuck themselves because i can eat whatever the hell i want. it's part of my nature to be defensive, a contrarian, to resist authority and to flirt with taboos. sometimes being fat feels like a protest but in the end, it just doesn't do me any favours. being less defensive, i realize i really do need to lose weight, and i can't take until forever to do it. i'm wasting good years of my life that i won't ever get back and risking my health and quality of life.
i always find myself surfing youtube cooking videos for cooking ideas, and what i'm watching is often shit i shouldn't eat. for me, that's where the food i eat starts: as an idea. from the idea, it goes to the grocery store, then the kitchen then the plate. if i'm already going to the trouble of finding and cooking recipes why don't i eat healthier food? why don't i change up my diet to include healthier foods and exclude all the treats that are keeping me from my goals? there's no reason not to. i admit it, i give up. you're right, voice of criticism, i really shouldn't be eating this.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/qk5ih4/do_you_really_think_you_should_be_eating_that/
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