This is gonna be a long post so bare with me but I'm really at my wits end and not sure where else to go...
So a little back story. When I was in high school (17 or 18 years old) I was obese and very depressed. My mom convinced me to get a job at a fast food place that I didn't like. A month into that job I started lost about 15 pounds just from not being able to eat all day and being forced to walk around and be on my feet for hours a day. I wasn't trying to lose weight and my diet was garbage still. I would get my free two liter of a soda and drink the whole thing when I went home but still some how managed to drop weight and at that point I was hooked. I learned about calorie counting and got my fitness pal and I ran sprints every day. I figured there was no such thing as losing weight to fast so I'd eat the minimum amount of calories I my fitness pal would let me. I remember lying on the bed with my stomach growling and being proud of myself thinking of all the progress I made that day. I'm not sure how much I weighed at my heaviest because I didn't weigh myself regularly but I estimate I was at least 270+ pounds (I'm a 5'11 male btw). In 6 months I got down to my original goal weight of 200lbs. There are pictures of me 6 months apart and I look like a completely different person. At 200lbs I was still overweight and had a gut I wanted to lose so I got back to work. my new goal weight was 165lbs. I've never hit that weight. I've been In a constant battle with the last 15 pounds. I've tried every diet on the planet. I once fasted for 3 day strait. My weight has been bouncing back from 170-185 pounds for almost 3 years now and I cannot hit my goal. 3-4 months ago I had some personal things happen and I gave up on dieting for the time. I was around 175lbs when it happened. In 2 months I ate my weigh back up to 195lbs. I've never been so disappointed in myself. I've been trying to diet back down to where I was at before but I literally can't. I eat at my goal calories (2000 now) for 3 days and like clock work on the forth day I binge hard. I went to my psychiatrist that I see for OCD and told him. He prescribed me Vyvanse for the binge eating which has helped but he told me not to weigh myself or count calories and that I needed to go to an eating disorder specialist for treatment. I haven't counted calories or weighed myself in two weeks and its been hell. I have not binged per say but I have definitely over ate. I see the Therapist on Tuesday but I can't wait any longer. I'm scared I've gained even more weight and I'm terrified of become fat again. I compare myself to everyone I see and cannot enjoy anything anymore. I have walked for hours almost everyday.
I think counting calories would be ok if I could just be less obsessive compulsive about it. if I don't know how many calories are in something I cannot eat it. I cannot eat at restaurants that do not have there nutritional information online so I am limited to fast food places and what I cook. I cannot eat home cooked meals because I cannot weigh out the ingredients. If I think my numbers are off I panic and end up binge eating. I spend all day planning and thinking about what I'm gonna eat.
My friends invited me out for Chinese food for lunch. I cannot find nutritional information for the place we are going to eat and I have spent all morning trying to find a way to quantify it. Tomorrow is my grandfather's birthday. We are having grilled chicken but I can't eat it because I don't know how much it weighs. My roommates cook dinner together almost every night but I leave the house and come up with an excuse every night to avoid eating with them. Have any of you had a similar experience and can help me. I'm scared I'm never going to get back to the weight I was before much less hit my goal weight.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/oiukc6/obsessive_calorie_counting_is_ruining_my_life_and/
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