New to reddit and this thread. Be gentle redditors.
I'm 25, a SAHM to a 1 year old, a part time student, and obese. I'm 5'6" 240+ lbs and I suspect my health is getting away from me.
I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 16. I was a fat kid. I grew up on home cooked Kansas food with bread and butter and every meal and second helpings (sometimes a third). I was an active teenager and slimmed down. My body shape has never really allowed for me to be skinny. But I was athletic. I've gained 100 lbs in 9 years. I feel awful.
My relationship with food sucks. I love food. It's such a pleasure for me and an escape from my life long depression. And for most of my life it's been a constant nagging in my head. I am always thinking about food. Thinking about my next meal, my next snack, what we have in the kitchen. I check, double check, and triple check the fridge and pantry over and over all day long looking to satisfy whatever my mouth is craving. I don't even know what it feels like to be hungry anymore. If I'm not full I eat.
I've tried so many diets. So many eating plans. So many "lifestyle changes" but I crack every time within a month. Because I feel so exhausted trying to keep up with tracking my calories, protein, carbs, fat, water, etc. I get tired of cooking all the time. I just get tired. And then I lose whatever small progress I made just like that.
I feel defeated. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel. I hate thinking that my son will grow up having the same relationship with food I do. I hate being so fat.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know there is not magic secret to fixing these things. I know it will take a long time to undo what I have spent my whole life doing. But it doesn't even feel possible. I wish I could just reset my body and start over. Make my brain forget how good junk food is and remember what actual hunger feels like.
Before anyone asks, yes I'm on an antidepressant and have been for a few years. I am much much better than I used to me and I don't drink or do drugs. I'm a serious introvert who enjoying playing video games with my husband and spending time with my baby. I've been told to "get out there and make some friends you can work out with". Ehhh I really don't want to.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm hoping that someone out there has been where I am and gotten better. Idk. If you read this far I appreciate your time. Happy new year.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/krayni/i_need_a_restart_button_for_my_whole_body/
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