I hate being fat. I lost thirty pounds a year or two ago and gained it all back after school and work overwhelmed me and i ate my feelings like I used to. I hate being the butt of jokes, being treated lesser, feeling like I’m being treated lesser. I hate that my mind and body actively work against me to secure weight loss. I hate that I hate myself.
I want to lose weight for other people, it’s true. I don’t know what it even means to find value in myself, to love myself. How can I love myself if I am below everyone? How can I love myself if no one will love me because of how I look? I hate not being able to go outside without feeling the pin prick of eyes on me. I hate that my clothes are all uncomfortably tight or annoyingly loose. I hate how pathetic I feel when I turn over in bed and it actually takes some effort. I hate that I’m disappointing my parents, my doctors, even myself. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I hate that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I hate every inch of my body except for my face, though even that is tainted by the congealed fat beneath my skin that I can feel wrapped around me like slimy chains; it imprisons me. I hate that I eat cause I’m sad and I’m partly sad cause I eat. I hate that I feel like my only value to people is that I can be a joke to them, that I can be the funny guy maybe, or someone to look secretly down upon, to thank G-d I am not him. I hate feeling like I am a walking clown. I hate not being taken seriously.
I just want basic human respect. I want to walk around freely. I hate this shit. I hate myself so bad sometimes that I’d wish I’d die.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/kz2a17/fucking_hate_myself/
No comments:
Post a Comment