I’m posting this here because I’m too scared to talk about my weight fears with people I know.
I’m 21F, 157cm (5’1) and 68kg (149lbs) right now which is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life. Especially with quarantine, I haven’t been moving at all since I’m out of school and the jobs I worked for stopped due to the pandemic.
That means I’ve barely moved for about 7 months. Every day sitting on my bed and binging. I didn’t gain any weight until these past 2 months, I think.
Today, I got up and walked to the kitchen and my legs were trembling. I’ve noticed for a while that getting up feels harder and even just walking for a short while makes me out of breath. But feeling my legs tremble just by standing made me terrified.
To be honest, I’ve been trying to lose weight for years but I don’t have the discipline. Nowadays, I try not to tell people when I’m on a diet or exercising because I know I’ll disappoint them and myself. My binging habit got worse, I can’t go a day without snacks, I’ve even been eating more “regular” food. I think I gave up on myself sometime ago without realising it.
But feeling my legs shake from the weight of my body is so scary. I feel like trying again. I feel like I’m willing to go through the struggle and pain of losing weight. I’m so scared. I’m still young and I don’t want to wreck my body like this. I don’t want to live the rest of my life eating heaps of sugary snacks every single day. I don’t want to have multiple health conditions at a young age (or even old age at that matter).
I’m going to try again and I’ll try to think that I’ll succeed and I’ll try to persevere even though I’ve given up on so many things in life. Sorry for the rambling, I’m just scared. I’m scared I’ll give up again and that no matter what I do it won’t be enough.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/hlk4ak/im_the_heaviest_ive_ever_been_and_im_so_scared/
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