And maybe this should be obvious. But my [26] dad [56] is finally going to the doctor and I’m finally realizing. He had no understanding of what is healthy. He eats one meal a day, smokes cigarettes, and drinks coke. My mom went on crash diets, constantly gained and dropped weight, and was a hypochondriac. Both were runners in hs but other than that, they did no exercise except for my dad angrily walking many miles depending on how angry he is.
I have NO basis for what healthy looks like. I don’t even have a place to start. Exercise was labeled as punishment due to anger. And food was either so restricted I could only eat what my mother ate (and that was mostly pasta). Or why my dad cooked - which was burnt steaks.
I finally realized I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. And I can stop feeling confused about that because I had no role models. I realized I have to build the picture of what heathy is completely on my own. And that’s terrifying- it feels like an insurmountable task considering I have only steadily gained weight my whole life (not sharing the numbers because I don’t feel comfortable doing so). The last time I was “thin” was 5 years old. I don’t even remember what that feels like.
All to say, it took too long but I finally have my revelation. I have to do this from scratch. And I hate this. But at least I know I know nothing and actively reject anything I’m currently holding onto.
Thank you for reading. I just needed to share with someone.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/hz78bp/i_finally_realized_i_know_nothing/
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