*C/W: reference of suicide
12-18 months ago I was miserable, struggled to walk up a single flight of stairs, and despite being borderline suicidal I was in complete denial about how unfit & overweight I had let myself get.....
I was in a marriage that had become toxic, and I felt stuck halfway between being terrified of being alone, and being just as terrified that my husbands mental health would fall apart and he'd kill himself if I left (he had made this threat before....).
I fell into a vicious cycle of not wanting to leave the house because I felt like shit, not doing any exercise because I never went out, and ordering way too much UberEats because I didn't even want to go grocery shopping.
I finally decided I needed to do something, or I was going to have a heart attack while I was still in my 30s..... I started by slowly cutting down my portion sizes (I was eating a HUGE amount of food), and bulking it out with low calories foods as much as possible. Since my mental health still wasn't great, I was still buying a lot of convenience foods - bags of salad, cooked chicken, frozen vegetables, etc.
My diet was far from great, but I figured that pre-cooked roast chicken and microwavable vegetables was still a better option that breaded chicken fingers and chips!
I found I felt hungry ALL THE TIME, and it took a while to realise I was eating to fill an emotional void, rather than because I was actually hungry. I started therapy again, and made an active effort to process and work through my psychological issues myself as much as I could.
The first 25-30kg loss was 100% diet. I didn't step foot in a gym or actively go on walks until I was around 25-30kgs lower than my highest weight, as I didn't feel like I had any kind of energy until I got to that point.
Some days I feel like I've barely changed, so I pulled up some old photos today and .... JFC... It feels so surreal, and hard to believe I was that person.
Most importantly, the change in my mental health has been the biggest improvement for me. I still struggle with my self worth, but I'm not suicidal anymore, and I've started to value my worth so much more.
Today was just such a surreal moment for me when I looked at those photos... I just had to share it somewhere...
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/r4qy5y/sometimes_i_feel_like_ive_barely_changed_then_i/
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