I know I need to lose weight. Until about 6 years ago, I was actually a healthy weight, a good size, but went through some trauma. My boyfriend at the time was abusive. My sister had almost died. I left college thinking I would take a break and never went back. And I ate to make myself feel better about everything going on.
I was on track losing weight, but I lost a parent a year ago (heart attack) and then the pandemic started. It has been an empty time for me. My best friend is really sick and I cannot see her, because I work so she might get something. My support network is just gone.
Yesterday I was trying to figure out a last minute costume for work, after I got called in to cover a co-worker. Everything I tried on made me feel squished and heavy. I realized, and almost started crying... it wasn't the clothes that felt bulky. It was me. I am so uncomfortable in my own body.
The way I stand. The way I look in clothes. The way I move. It is like walking around in ski clothes, just puffy and bulky. I don't feel good about myself at all. I am frozen in life because of this. I am deeply ashamed of the way I look.
I just don't really have a support network. Talking to my sister about this makes it worse, because she has her own body issues. Talking to my mom about it feels like she is going to tell me some outdated advice and I can't handle being a disappointment when I don't lose the weight.
The people I usually talk to are going through their own pandemic problems and this is something I should be able to do, as a successful adult.
I woke up today and ate a portioned meal. I went for a walk with my dog.
I am exhausted.
My feet swell.
I feel old despite being 30.
I used to be really pretty and confident and happy.
Now I look at myself in the mirror and regret it. I feel like I am looking through the eyes of a nightmare. I just want to succeed at this.
I just don't know where to start.
Sorry if this isn't allowed. I just needed someone to talk to.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/jmcyip/i_have_140_pounds_to_lose_and_i_cant_stand_the/
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