I didn’t care that I was obese and I didn’t care for my health because I didn’t care if I died. Now I do and I’m worried it’s too late.

I’m a 30 year old female, 5’6” and close to 300lbs. I’ve struggled with mental health problems and suicidal ideation since I was a teenager. I’ve steadily gained weight my entire life, but I developed a binge eating disorder and put on about 60lbs in the last four years.

My husband expressed concerns about my health and my need to lose weight and while his concerns were valid, I didn’t care because I actively wanted to die anyway. I was either hoping for a health related/accidental death, or planning for my suicide so I figured I might as well enjoy food while I was still here.

In the last year and a half I’ve put A LOT of work into my mental health. I still have a long way to go, but I’m at a point where I want to live.

But my health is so awful, I’m scared I might have ruined my chance at a long healthy life.

I’m still working on my binge eating disorder. My husband hasn’t found me attractive for years and I’m scared he’s pretty much done with me saying I’m going to work on getting healthy, but failing at it. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and my heart hurts pretty much everyday. I can hardly do anything without getting short of breath. I’m worried I will die before I have the chance to get healthy and enjoy my life.

submitted by /u/25Sents
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/jc420e/i_didnt_care_that_i_was_obese_and_i_didnt_care/