This is all a bit rambling and not necessarily in order or organized. Just venting how I feel as I feel it.
So I'm 22F, 5'4, and unsure of my weight but the last time I weighed myself I was almost 200 and I know I've gained since...
I've struggled with my weight for a good portion of my life. I'll be chubby and then drop 15 or so pounds, then gain back a bunch more... I've gained at least 50 since high school. But I've been especially bad these past 2 years in college. Calorie counting works for me but isn't entirely sustainable because it just makes me obsess over the things I can't be eating or what my weekly cheat meal will be. I have a studio apartment with very little space to exercise, and last time I tried walking alone outside a man pulled his car over to harass me... But I've been going for 2 mile walks with a friend twice a week for about a month now. I even bought a fitbit (which I actually think has helped motivate me a bit). I've gotten too fat for all my cute clothes so now I mostly wear leggings and loose tshirts/blouses. I hate myself for gaining so much weight and I'm so insecure I've avoided seeing certain people I feel would judge me. I've also recently went through a breakup after a 3 year relationship (unrelated to weight). And that doesn't help. I can't seem to fight my cravings, or when someone else offers me food or alcohol. I live with my mom and she'll encourage me to lose weight but then repeatedly offer me junkfood. And I can't seem to resist. And I always end up rationalizing eating shitty things or just saying "fuck it, oh well" then feeling horrible about myself afterwards. I love healthy foods like fruits, veggies, kale, etc. But I also love things like bread, pasta, wine... And I have a tendency to snack out of boredom. Or I'll eat once relatively early, then get hungry and eat a bunch late at night. I know I need to change my relationship to food but idek where to start and how to keep it up. In the past I've done super well for a month or more, then have a hard time keeping it up when life gets busy or extra stressful. I know this is rambling and probably dumb and I'm not even sure what I'm expecting in response. I just feel so awful and shitty and I feel worse because I know it's my fault and I have no discipline.
TLDR: I've gained a lot of weight in college and I feel really shitty about myself. I feel even shittier because it's my fault. But I'm not sure how I can change in a way that's sustainable for me personally. I wanted to vent and put some things into the universe that I don't even say out loud.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/i4m9vp/venting/
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