So I've lost 25 to 28 pounds and I was a few pounds away from my goal weight.
However, I have been falling into the same patterns I used to have. Binge eating chips, chocolate, ice cream, and candy all at once. I did it today again. I have my bar exam in a few days and I've been feeling stressed about it (it would be super embarrassing if I failed) and avoidant about studying. I hadn't done this in a while to this extent. But my weight has been trending upward as I've been feeling more stressed.
I kind of just let myself go. It was so ...freeing. As I ate the sugary things, I felt a sort of high from it all. It was exhilarating and it felt SO good. Probably like what drugs feel like or cocaine or something. Stuffing my face with the salty, crispy, oily chips felt so good. Satisfying salty crunches. Sweet, creamy, and cold spoonfuls. It was blissful. I alternated between the chocolate, chips, matcha ice cream mochi balls, and instant noodles until I actually felt ill. I STILL feel ill, a few hours later. I actually feel physical pain from stuffing myself.
I just wanted to share this weird roller coaster of emotions from a sort of high and elation to the feeling of being sick and wanting to throw up. It's a little scary because it's like I want to feel something...more. Like I wanted to do something bad to myself. The funny thing is that I actually went for an intense run today. I've been running almost everyday to feel a sort of high from endorphins.
It just hits me that all of this is all so psychological for me. It's not that I was hungry at all. I was cognizant that I was full. It just felt like a compulsion. I just wanted to feel something in an intense way. It just feels reckless and self-destructive, like I just want to blow everything up.
No lesson here. I just wanted to share the feels in case anyone relates.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/i25cws/the_thrill_of_binge_eating_junk_food/
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