It’s 1am and I’m really going through it about my body. I’ve really been thinking and I released all of my self-hatred and anxiety issues are because of my weight. There’s things I wanna do but I can’t do because I’m afraid my weight is going to get in the way and I’m going to be embarrassed.
An example would be rides at carnivals and amusement parks. My friends think I don’t get on the rides because I have a fear of heights when in reality that isn’t true. I don’t go on rides because I’m afraid I’m not gonna fight on the ride and I’m going to have to do the walk of shame.
I have social anxiety and I’ve always known it’s because of my weight. I don’t like going out in public or being the center of attention and having people look at my because my brain is telling they’re judging me because of my weight and they’re making fun of me. I hate being around people especially strangers and I will have a full on breakdown if I have to stand in front of a group people.
When people wrong me I don’t say anything a lot of the times because if we fighting they always pick at my weight. Yesterday I got into a fight with an old friend in a gc with my other friends and he came for my weight and called me all sorts of names I pretended it didn’t hurt but it really did. It made me feel even more shitting about myself then I already did and I don’t know how that’s possible.
There’s so many things I wanna do, like wear a crop top with out changing 20 minutes later because i start freaking out about people making fun of me, I wanna wear spaghetti strap tops without wearing a jacket because I’m self conscious about my arms. I wanna eat something without feeling guilty.
My friends always say they wish they were confident and headstrong like me but every time they say that I get upset because I’m actually fragile and weak and I mask it all. I just feel oppressed by my own body. It’s so hard for me to stay on track because I lose motivation easily and fall of.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ied1xm/my_weight_is_the_reason_i_hate_myself/
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