At my heaviest I was 150kg. Some years ago I worked my ass off and lost 30kg in about a year. It was damn good. I felt great and I was sure I would keep the weight off. Then real life intervened, things in my marriage started breaking down and eventually I got a divorce and I have been about 141kg since then.
Since then I have tried getting back on track 5 or 6 times. Each time I failed. It is so damn hard. It hurts and it also feels very pointless. But I am sick of getting fat guy pants, so a week and a half ago I started up again. And I am going OK. I dipped below the 140kg mark at 139.5 today.
I am pacing myself a bit slower this time so that I can make sustainable changes to my life that do not fizzle out when something inevitably goes wrong in the future (maybe I will get married again and then divorce or get a weird disease or lose what little will to live I have remaining - one never can tell).
But... oh, boy. It is painful. I am limiting my calorie intake and going to the gym again. I hate exercise, I hate eating 'right' but I am pushing through all this. I don't even know why. Honestly a big part of it is the fact that I find shopping at fat guy stores pretty embarrassing. Not to cast any aspersions on anyone else, by the by. This is a personal annoyance / feeling.
Anyway, I don't even know why I wrote this. I guess dipping below 140kg feels like I am on track again. Thanks for listening, yawning void.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ibxzu6/it_is_excruciating_to_get_back_to_fitness/
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