Hey there, long time lurker, but definitely not first time poster. You may have seen me here or here or even here. I've made even more comments. You may have seen me during the 20s Loseit Challenge earlier this year. I have fallen down, down, down. I've only just again decided to get back up, but this time, I cannot falter. I know it's probably bad to force such an attitude onto myself, but it's really down to the wire.
Quarantine has screwed me, and has screwed a lot of us. Some of us lost our jobs, some of us lost loved ones, and some of us have anxiety simply thinking about the state of the world. I was that person. I have eaten terribly, and probably moreso than even my previous worst states. I've gained 30 pounds in six months. I am at my highest weight I've ever been in my life. And I'm scared.
I'm 34, and 5'6. 350 is not a good number on me. I'm still extremely mobile, have no issues walking, or even exercising (at home, obviously). But I've not wanted to. And that's a problem. Although I have no issues moving around, I can feel my thighs pressing against each other way more. I can see my belly protruding farther than it has, and I just know I'm not healthy. And I'm so so depressed and I have BPD, so it compounds onto that already fragile mental state.
I don't want to see another post like this from myself again. No matter how many times I falter - eat something I shouldn't, forget to exercise one day, whatever it is - I cannot make another one of these Day One motivational posts. I need to stick with it. I don't know how I'm going to, but I need to. I'm not getting any younger or thinner stuffing myself sick.
In an attempt to help, I made myself a little motivational chart of sorts: https://imgur.com/a/4h1vv95
In case you were wondering: yes, I was the student in school that had different colored highlighters and pens. And maybe that will do it, I don't know.
I'm rambling, and I'm sorry. My story is likely not different from others. But it's mine, and I've got to change the plot. Maybe this is a start of a new chapter.
I just need help not burning the damn book again.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/i37w3a/im_back_again_ive_been_here_more_times_than_i_can/
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