Hey, so I’m F22, 5ft, CW about 170, GW 130. This might be long so I apologise.
A bit of background. Honestly I’ve been overweight for like my whole life. Maybe there were a few years in my elementary school days when I was at a healthy weight but def not since middle school. I remember being 130lbs at 13 and thinking I was so chubby now I wish I was back there😂 Not gonna lie, I’ve been hurting over this for years and years, always subject to rude comments and alladat nonsense. I’ve always felt weird and awkward and took to wearing huge clothes that drowned me to hide my body. 2017-2018 I was in college and dropped about 20lbs, but it was super unsustainable because I wasn’t eating enough and what I was eating wasn’t the best. So obviously when I came home after graduating to work I gained it all back within a matter of a few months. Now I’m back where I started weight wise and am feeling the same despair that I remember always feeling 2-3 years ago. I’m going back to drowning myself in my clothes and sometimes eating my feelings. It was so nice feeling a bit confident and pretty when I had lost the weight. And I wanna get back there.
But also. I never used to work out. Literally never. All I did was walk around campus. But last July I started going to the gym 3 times a week for 90 minutes, doing strength and conditioning training. Now I’m hella strong and way more in shape, but I’ve not lost any weight at all. I recently starting running too because I’m terrible at running and wanna do a Spartan race. So I run a mile, then I walk until I hit 35 minutes. Hopefully that means my weight has redistributed than how it was when I was this weight with no muscle, but I’m also sure it’s all my terrible eating habits.
Now it would be nice to feel confident in the body I have now, and of course I am thankful for a working body. But I really would love to lose some weight and I’ve been trying unsuccessfully for years. Definitely because I give up very soon and have unhealthy coping mechanisms and am always down on myself. I just hate what I see in the mirror and I want to make healthy changes. I’m happy at how consistent I’ve been going to the gym and how much better I’m getting too, which is something I never thought I’d do - I was always scared before to go to the gym in front of people but now idgaf.
Anyways, I am full of new resolve and am DETERMINED to actually make a change. My brother’s getting married in a few months and I wanna STUNT. I wanna feel the best I’ve ever felt. I’ve started 16:8 IF yesterday and I’m counting calories (I tried before and it gave me trauma over my body image and caused me problems so I stopped but I’m trying to get over that). I’m going to put in the effort. I have a mans who is very supportive too which helps.
Sorry for the sob story. I was just hoping I could have some motivation and maybe some advice if possible. I could really use some positivity because usually I’m just surrounded by unhelpful criticism and rudeness!! I think also subconsciously I hope I can hold myself accountable by letting people read my words instead of constantly crying about it lol.
Thank you so much, part of the reason I’m so determined now is because I followed this subreddit and I’m so inspired by all you beautiful people. Peace
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/eoxill/the_rebeginning_of_my_journey_any_words_of_wisdom/
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