holy fucking shit. I can't express this enough. I'm a trans girl who's only just started transition, and it's really important to me that I start losing weight to pass hopefully. I'm currently in at 5'5" and 220lbs and yeah I am not happy with myself. I was 170lbs a few years back when I was 15, which wasn't great but not terrible, but I got super depressed when I was 16-17 and now at 18 I have to deal with the insane backlash. I'm fuckin furious and I have no idea what to do. It's been 220 for about a year, from fasting to binging constantly.
I'm really forgetful and I'm already pretty busy with work and school so I can't dedicate myself to focusing on a big plan or whatever. I'm terrified of exercising outside my own room, I don't see the point of intense bursts of exercise anyway because I wouldn't be burning enough calories for it to be worth the effort (at least for now). Sometimes I will genuinely start eating properly healthy and remind myself it's for myself and how way happier I'll be, but usually a few days pass before I convince myself that "I'm not in a rush to look feminine" and give up. It's a fucking ruthless cycle and I kind of hate myself tbh. I'm sick of this shit so goddamn much I don't know what the hell to do with myself.
I already drink a ton of water, at breakfast/lunch it's usually bacon + egg and I'll eat any veg/protein I'm given at dinner. But I snack way too fucking much, I have an older sibling so we keep snacks in the house anyway but genuinely the only carbs I ever get are from snacks. It's really bad, and locking them away from me won't work because I'm really good at finding shit (from experience lol)
I don't get out often because of social anxiety, but honestly if I wanted to get out anyway it's either a full on workout or nothing, cos I live in a super hilly area which is all downhill the way out of my town, but going back up is all uphill and I hate being the sweaty fat kid walking up a hill. It's humiliating. I'd rather live in a flatter area with more places to go, I'm not in a completely secluded town but you're not getting out of here without transport. So it's real discouraging, because I don't have control over how much exercise I get if I go out. I'd be far more inclined to go on walks n shit if I knew I could make it back not in a sweat.
I'm probably going to read the advice given here, follow it for maybe a week tops then get mad at something I'm working on or come up with some excuse to quit losing weight and end up back feeling shitty. I've done this like three times before idk how to end the cycle of this and finally get down to a weight I'm happy with, like 140 or 150 or something. If anybody has got any advice I'd for sure appreciate it. fml.
edit: sorry for getting heated in this post. i am mad but i could've worded this all a bit better
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/evve2l/i_am_so_angry_with_myself/
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