19F, 5’7”.
In 2018, a kid in a high school class asked me if I were depressed. We were working on a project together and, besides a few common classes, never hung out enough to get to know each other. I denied it, and he responded with something along the lines of I should express my joy more often. I knew I didn’t owe it to him to seem more pleasant, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have been because of how deeply upset with myself I was. And it bothered me to know someone that distant from me could sense it.
I asked myself what it was that always got me down on myself. It was the fact that I, as many of you, had been overweight since childhood. Promises made to self to lose weight never fulfilled, I only continued to mount the pounds and self-loathing. By that time I guess I was 17 and 175 lb. That summer, I decided to address this personal issue and actually commit to losing weight. A little over a year of intuitive eating and upped activity saw me drop to about 146 lb. All aspects of my wellbeing improved and it beamed from me.
I moved to the US for college last summer, promising to myself I would continue the good habits I worked hard to establish. Well, here I am, about 10 lb heavier and just incredibly disappointed in myself. I began counting calories the moment I touched ground here because I thought it’d be easier with access to measuring cups and a scale and food products that come with nutritional information. No; instead, I’ve been sort of postponing calories from binges to the next then the next then the next day until I let them go, altogether. I can tell I have been lying to myself in ways that are only to my detriment. This year, I really must stop.
I read comments here that many of us relapse, fail, backtrack. I have read the comment that commends OP for recognizing their descent from the right track forestalling a complete reversal of their progress. So I want to be that positive for myself. I have to remember to do this for my wellbeing. Because I love myself now and will love myself at a healthier state, as well. College stress or new country stress or any of the several other turning wheels are no match for my willpower and self love. Sounds cliched but the sappier it is, the better it’ll stick, I suppose. I don’t ever want to feel lesser because of my weight as I used to.
Good luck to all of you with your 2020 goals. We will succeed!
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/eit46v/rant_ive_really_disappointed_myself/
No comments:
Post a Comment