Hi everyone, I used to have an account on here where I would talk about my body image issues, weight gain, eating habits, etc. I ended up deleting the account because I wanted to put everything behind me and really get serious about my dieting and not be distracted with Reddit posting. However now I realize how therapeutic that was actually was, so I’m back again to express my feelings because I don’t know where else to go. I failed yet another “serious” dieting attempt and I am so disappointed in myself.
About a year and a half ago, I moved into my own apartment for the first time as I started attending university. I definitely gained well over the freshman 15 my first semester. I’ve always been a “slim-thick” girl but I have never really worried about my weight in the past, I guess because my mom cooked a lot and bought healthy food. But once I got out on my own, I was eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted without really thinking about it. I also ate at the dining hall on campus a lot with unlimited all-you-can eat food per meal swipe.
I remember I first took notice of my weight gain a few months in when my clothes were getting too small and my bra could barely hold my boobs anymore. I got concerned and told myself I would start regularly exercising and dieting. I lasted a few days but quickly ended up falling back into my old ways, and before I knew it I was forced to go shopping for new clothes and a bigger bra. Calling my mom to ask for money for new clothes was embarrassing to me. I ended up getting a job later so that I would never have to do that again.
Long story short, despite me attempting to diet and lose weight off and on for a year and a half, I have steadily been gaining a lot of weight ever since that first wake-up call. I’ve never had the willpower to stick with a plan and resist temptations. I cannot stop giving in to my urges. I just love snacks and high-calorie food so much and it has been incredibly hard for me to give it up. I’m technically still at a healthy BMI but I’m scared I’ll be moving up into the overweight category if I can’t get ahold of this soon.
Another issue is that my boobs are huge now and I’m getting a lot of back pain. I’ve always had big boobs but they have gone up quite a few cup sizes at this point with all the weight gain. I’m young so my mom thinks they may just be growing naturally due to my hormones, but I’m sure my weight gain is certainly contributing quite a bit as well. I literally just bought an expensive new bra 2 months ago in a very very large, hard-to-find cup size and I’m mortified that I’m already bursting out of the damn thing. My boobs are also very tender and sore with all the growing they’ve been going through and they desperately need more support in a bigger bra again. But I’m so disgusted with myself that I don’t want to buy a bigger one. I just need to lose the weight and stop shoving all this food down my mouth and just fit in my old stuff.
I also need new clothes yet again too. My pants are literally starting to rip. However maybe this is the motivation I need to lose weight. Maybe I should force myself to wear extremely uncomfortable clothes and bra so that I’m more motivated to lose weight and fit in them again.
I want to remain hopeful that I can do this and finally diet like I need to, but I’m also nervous because I’ve tried so many times and failed. It’s very difficult for me to not give in to my urges because I love food so much, I am always hungry now, and my stomach starts growling again not long after a meal or a snack. I also spend a lot of my free time absent-mindedly eating snacks while watching tv and I do this out of comfort. And I still pig out at the campus dining hall a lot because it’s included in my meal plan price and very convenient in-between classes. It’s basically a setup for disaster with all that food there at my disposal and my lack of self-control when I’m there.
Does anyone have advice on how to change my lifestyle and get the motivation? I am hoping that not allowing myself to buy new clothes will help, but I’m not sure that will be enough because of how strong I know my urges are. I’m embarrassed with myself at this point and feel insecure with all the weight I’ve been gaining.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/eqe9q6/i_cant_stop_eating/
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