31M. I went from 320 lbs to 190 now.
When I was 300+ lbs, my self-esteem was horrible; I rarely bothered to ask women out, and most of the ones I did rejected me. I only had 1 girl into me (a FWB). No relationships outside of that.
I felt like I was inherently unattractive. That I'd only be dateable if I had charisma and humor, and even then I'd only be loved in spite of my body. My body would never be loved. And I always felt like I had to be funny, or do things extra just to be appreciated. Or I had to be careful in how I present myself so people don't think I'm unrefined or a slob.
At 270, friends started noticing I lost weight, but I still felt fat as all hell. And basically no different in the dating world. 250-255 lbs was an interesting point. There were some girls (which in hindsight I realize) were into me. But I refused to believe it at the time, because I had the limiting belief that I needed to be 210 or less to be attractive. So I never made moves, and I sort of pulled away whenever they'd ask me flirtatious questions and such. In the 220's, I felt like I was almost there but not quite. Under 200 lbs was where I finally start to feel confident about my body, even if I had some loose skin and still another 20 lbs to lose, I still felt handsome.
But also, I now realize that I need to overcome my social anxiety. I need to put myself out there and meet more people. Being good looking gives you more opportunities, but it only matters if you capitalize on them. I now realize that even if I go from a dadbod 190 lbs to a muscular 180, it'll still be the case that I don't leave the house much and am shy around people when I am out, unless something changes.
I have the body of a "normal" guy, and I'm mostly happy with my life. But I still have the social experiences and social skills of a 300 lb depressed guy who never leaves his house.
The main takeaway point is it's a spectrum. Being fit is a meaningful advantage, but not a cure all. And being overweight isn't entirely hopeless.
Yes, dating as a 300+ lb guy is a severe handicap. But dating as a 250 lb guy isn't a death sentence. And tbh, the 240-250 lb guy with humor and social skills is way better off in dating than the 190 lb guy that's nervous and scowling.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/12x2o06/perspective_on_dating_after_losing_120_lbs/
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