In short, the title is my goal.. to make it to Onederland (below 200lbs). I haven't been since I was a kid in middle school.
I just finished day 2 of my very long trip to get there. Starting at 355lbs it won't be a quick trip. However, I'm determined. I have prepared a list of reasons to go and I don't plan to back down.
1) No dating life. I know weight isn't the end all be all, but I am uncomfortable in my body and have zero confidence. So I won't even go on tinder for ~100lbs or more. It's a personal thing.
2) I'm not extroverted or anything, but I'm tired of the fat lifestyle. Staying in because I'm self conscious, missing out on activities, not doing different leagues with friends because I don't think I can keep up.... the money it takes to eat all the crap. The money I'm just throwing down the drain on alcohol (especially the craft beers). Being tired all the time. Getting winded or dipping sweat during easy tasks like cleaning, moving stuff around, etc. The whole lifestyle of being fat. I'm just over it.
3) I am an AuDHD person (autistic and adhd). Of course the general major depressive disorder on top of it. Exercise helps with the adhd and depression. I have to be very careful about the depression part though. I used to be somewhat of an athlete and it's very easy for me to attach my feelings of self worth onto how well I performed in the gym. Gotta really avoid that mindset the best I can. The routine should help the autism side.
3.5) Adding to the previous point... my blood pressure is high. Getting that down would be great for the health in general. However, it would also open up some medication doors for me. For example, my psychiatrist doesn't want me on adderal (or similar meds) because of my blood pressure. I am taking non-stimulant meds for now... but I hear these great stories about the successes with adderal and the like so I'd like to try it out some day.
4) I want to fit in my old clothes. I want to look better in all clothes. Even better yet, I want to have to buy new clothes to fit my skinnier body. It's hard to deny a slim figure just looks better with certain styles. On top of that I'm tall and slightly different proportioned, so the regular tall / big people clothes don't compliment me well to put it nicely.
5) Kind of an odd one, but I'd like some more friends and some closer ones. Not saying I don't have enough now or don't have close friends, but most don't live close so it'd be nice to make some new ones closer to home. Being skinnier makes that easier. I know it does too simply by watching how others go up and talk to (out of the blue) the skinnier friends I have. Whereas I would need to be the initiator if I wanted a conversation.
6) I have not great hips. Had surgery on both. The extra weight and lack of room for the joints to handle is not good for them. The same applies to other parts of the body, but hips are my main pain point.
7) I make furniture squeak too much. Like sitting in my office chair and rocking back (SQUEAK!) or laying down on my bed. These things don't happen to skinner people. And even if they do, it's not nearly as obnoxious.
8) It's very hard for me to sit down and not cover my belly with a pillow, my arms, etc. I'm just miserable and not comfy or confident. I can't just sit and be. It's this huge cycle of self judgement going on. I don't even shower with the lights on. To be fair, the lights thing is partly my autism and being sensitive to light, but it's also so I don't have to see my body.
9) I miss being proud of the progress I made. I lost a ton of weight before, but I put all of that back on and much more. I want to be proud of me again.
10) This list could continue, but one more really annoying thing to end it.. I can't tie my shoes normally. I have to like contort my leg out to the side to reach my shoes. My gut gets in the way of my leg when trying to simply lean forward.
All of this and much more. I'm over it. I hope to hang out with you cool people more often over the coming months. 156lbs to go, but damnit... I'm going to do it no matter what. No matter the setbacks, the plateaus, the sore muscles, the early mornings, the slightly hungry hours between meals, the feelings of "this isn't going fast enough"...... I gotta do this. For me. For my future. For a potential partner. For my health. For a possible family in the future. It's all very much worth it. I have the resources, the time, the support, etc. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not letting a small misstep become a reason to walk the other way.
Rant over.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/12rgu3i/ive_decided_to_go_to_onederland/
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