Age: 23 CW: 273lb GW: 130lb
Hello helpful friends!
I have been on restrictive diets for about as long as I can remember due to my brothers' allergies. We've always eaten "weird". There's always been "good" foods and "bad" foods in my house.
When I was about 12-14 I started gaining weight, but my mom started really commenting on it when I was 14. She put me on diets, sent articles, tried to scare me into better health... the whole gambit. I have developed a terrible relationship with food, and from age 14 to when I moved out in January I don't know if I ever ate because I was hungry. I ate because the food was yummy, because I was sad/happy/bored/etc., because it was the "correct" time to eat, because I had eaten something earlier for a "wrong" reason and didn't want my parents to lecture me about it, so it was better to eat what they offered than admit I had eaten already.
Anyway, since I have moved out my food relationship has improved tremendously! I now eat when I'm hungry. I can say no to junk food because I k ow I can always eat it later. I don't finish my plate if I'm full. Food isn't this "big thing", and for the first time in my life I understand the idea that food is fuel. Plus, to my thrill, I realized all the time I had been out of the house I had maintained a steady weight without trying (I have been slowly but surely gaining weight unless dieting since I was a teen).
Well, about a month or so ago my parents noticed a worsening skin condition and had another one of their "talks" with me, telling me I was killing myself, scheduling me for a doctor's appointment I didn't ask for, calling me an addict when I told them about the progress I have made, which made me feel like every win I had meant nothing. It triggered me in a way I didn't expect. I sank into depression and haven't fully recovered yet, started emotional eating again, etc. It took me a month to gain back the progress I lost, and in that time I gained 10lb.
I do want to lose weight, but I'm terrified if dieting. I don't know how to start without falling back into these incredibly unhealthy habits that end up hurting me more. If one frustrating talk sent me spiraling, how can I handle.calorie counting? Or food elimination? Or whatever else I can do.
I really need advice. How can I begin losing weight without triggering all these unhealthy old habits. I really am happy with my relationship with food now, and don't want to jeopardize that.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/vw2ogx/i_have_a_healing_relationship_with_food_and_want/
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