Hello!
So... When I was a teen, I was 115 pounds soaking wet. I was active and what not. I don't think I ate as much back then, either.
After highschool, I dropped down to 111 pounds. My family was worried about me not eating much. I have always had gastric issues and food was a problem for me because eating often lead to stomach pain.
I would vomit at least once a week due to severe acid reflux that meds didn't seem to treat. I treated anxiety and depression also aided this constant cycle of food fear and sickness.
Before the pandemic, I decided to hit the gym and gain some muscle. I had a personal trainer and group I worked out with regularly. It was fun! I gained a lot of strength (and muscle weight). I was defined and proud of myself.
After I started antidepressants, I was able to eat better. I ended up getting a gut, though. That was upsetting to me because I don't want to be fat. But there it was!
After the pandemic, I was unable to go to the gym for a year... And well... Everything fell apart. My personal trainer moved away and my group quit going to the gym altogether. I was also diagnosed with BED during this time. I had gone from 135 to 155 pounds and I wanted to lose the weight.
Eventually I got back in the gym but... Nothing changed. I didn't lose any weight. I actually gained more. I'm now 166 pounds.
It's my diet. I know it is. So, I tried dieting and calorie counting. But it was too hard this time around. I couldn't fight the need to eat. The hunger was inhuman. I shit you not, I felt like a starving animal all the time.
I tried fasting. I tried counting. I tried cardio and weight training again. But it was all undone by this insatiable hunger.
I was put on another med for the BED and ADHD, which I was also diagnosed with.
My appetite is much more controlled, but I still can't stick to my calorie goal at all because every time I try, I am still starving like an emaciated stray animal.
The hunger also upsets my heartburn and makes me sick...
I balanced my food, got the protein I needed, the fiber, the veggies, the healthy fats... But my body demands more...
What on earth is going on????? Why is this happening?
My body has changed so much. I'm in my thirties now and it's like I'm a stranger in my own flesh.
It's got me feeling really upset. I don't like my reflection. I feel weak willed because I can't stave off the hunger. I beat myself up a lot.
I didn't keep the bad weight off and now I can't lose it again for the life of me without hating every step of the way and failing as a result.
It's like I'm unhappy no matter what. I'm unhappy with my body now. I'm unhappy when losing weight because of how it makes me feel.
It's a big ass cycle...
Has anyone else been here? I know weight is tricky when you have and ED, but there has to be a way, right????
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/w9pwqp/need_advice_on_a_sensitive_subject/
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