I try to be optimistic, but my realistic side usually brings everything back down, which my therapist says can be a good thing but also can be a bad thing. Apparently in my appearance, it has failed me in even showing up.
Somewhere deep down, I have always believed that I am skinny and healthy enough. I can look at myself and tell you that yes, I am bigger than skinny people, and I don’t have a flat stomach. In fact, I don’t think I ever had a flat stomach my whole childhood. But somehow I’ve still believed that I didn’t really have a problem, and that I’d know when I get there.
I took my beginning progress photos last night at 7 lbs down, because I was too afraid to take them before. And let me tell you, I really woke up. I could see the fat that just does not hang well on my body at all. Some people carry their weight very well at my weight or higher. That is definitely not me. I was so disgusted with myself and finally saw what others have been seeing for the last five years of me just floating along at the same weight.
I’m ready for a change. I want to see if I can someday achieve a flat stomach. I want to see if I can get small enough thighs to have a thigh gap, because I’ve never known a day where my thighs didn’t rub together. I feel jealous of people who have grown up thin. Looking in the mirror, I can tell you for a fact that this fat is not what my body wants. I don’t know what my body type will be whenever I’m at the end, but right now, it’s not flattering and it’s not how I should be looking.
I know that I’m privileged to not have climbed to a higher weight, and I am not putting down ANYONE who is at my weight or body type. I am just finally seeing myself for who I am and holding onto that reality. Thank you for listening. I gotta remember that every healthy choice is another step closer to my ideal body.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/vqu6mb/believed_i_was_skinny_even_when_im_not/
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