Just turned [M] 28, feeling completely lost on how to start over
I’ll keep this as short as I can. I’m attaching a photo album of my body over the past few years. I used to be very active, but I’ve always struggled with my weight. A few times I’ve been pretty successful at getting down to a comfortable weight, but depression hits and I balloon up quick. I’m starting to think I have a serious food addiction and I topped out a few weeks ago at 270lbs. I’m young and I’m only about 5’7”-5’8” so this is putting some serious strain on my mind and body, and I’m just so done…I injured my knee around New Years, when I was already about 230 or so, and was unable to do any exercise really for a while and it just got worse and worse. When I saw 270 on the scale I nearly broke down. For a long time in my early 20s I used to think that if I ever hit 200lbs, I wouldn’t know how to deal with it, and here we are.
I read through the wiki and FAQs, and I’m sure there have been similar posts before but I’m desperate. My engagement has fallen apart, (unrelated) I’m back at my parents house, I’m struggling with work, and as you can see in these pictures, I’m just feeling like total garbage.
A few weeks ago I downloaded MyFitnessPal and I’ve been trying to educate myself there but I’m feeling overwhelmed and stuck. I have started dieting, sort of. I’m eating less, trying to gradually cut out sugary sodas and alcohol, and replace meals with just things that I’ve always thought were healthy, but I’m not very active. I’m afraid of going to the gym, partially because of covid, even though I’m fully vaccinated (I have a germs phobia issue on top of other anxiety problems.) I’m down to 255 now and I’d like to start working out, but I’m dealing with a classic case of analysis paralysis and I’m afraid to fail. I’ve never been this big and I’m ashamed I’ve let myself get 100lbs overweight. I need help. I need community. I need accountability but there’s nobody near me I can work out with and I only have 25lb weights, a yoga mat, and some resistance bands at home. I’m really terrified that I’d I don’t get healthy now, I never will.
I sincerely apologize if this post is against the rules. I’m tired and I’m scared and I’m essentially crying out for help. What do I do? Do I lift weights and “let the muscle burn the fat”? Or do I diet hard and hit my goal weight, THEN bulk back up? What sort of exercises can I do? How in the hell do I stay motivated when all I see in the mirror is a disgusting troll man? I don’t even know if this is the right sub and I’ll x-post to r/fitness as well. I’m just at my breaking point and I want to do this for real, and the right way. I tend to starve myself when I get stressed, and I want to make sure I get myself healthy the right way. So please, help me, r/loseit. You’re my only hope.
TL;DR- I’m the biggest I’ve ever been and finally “stopped the bleeding” as far as gaining, but no idea what to do next. I’d prefer to look good and also not have loose skin but my top priority is my health. Thank you in advance.
Pics for reference (nsfw)- https://imgur.com/gallery/bfSqvkF
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/og1qpl/recently_turned_28_m_and_feel_completely_lost/
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