Got kind of bummed today because I'll never know what I would look like if I was never overweight in the first place

I don't know where else to go with this thought that came to me recently, sorry if this is the wrong place, but like..

I went to this bbq the other day, with my brothers, and they're all shirtless and walking about and by the pool and all of that- Ages ranging between mid-30s to early 50s, I'm in my early 30s. They're none of them in *amazing* shape, but you can tell that for most their lives they never were as overweight as I have been. They've gotten softer in their years, but their weight looks balanced- It tends to push their stomach out, love handles are barely there, but they look alright.

At my peak weight, I was around 310-320, and I was probably around that weight when I was like 13-14. And that's just when I felt comfortable weighing myself, I'm sure I've pushed higher, so from a young age my body just knew being fat. I've fluctuated all my life, down at 185-190 at one point(incredibly unhealthily, unfortunately), but right now I'm sitting at around 235(after losing around 20-30 pounds recently) at 6' with a big frame, I'm losing weight slowly and much healthier this time around, trying to be careful, but the way my body has carried the weight and how I've lost it just feels like such a downer.

My stomach sags, I've got extra skin and I'm composed of stretch marks, I've got love handles that don't go away no matter how low I have been because it's just skin that drapes over pants, the skin in my chest sags and I've got flaps under my arms and things, and just.. I dunno. For the first time I really started to mourn what I'll never know- I can be as healthy as I can get, I can accept the body I have, but I'll never know what I could've looked like if I just didn't go down this unhealthy road. I looked at my brothers and their "chubbiness" and just how normal it looked on them, and I'll never have that. Even if I was an absolute Adonis on paper, the extra skin- or scars that would replace them- will be there.

I dunno. I know these feelings will pass. I'll get healthier, find that balance, and be better, but for tonight I just got really down and didn't want these feelings to sit. Hope everyone is doing well, stay happy and healthy.

submitted by /u/Forever_Fades
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/on49d1/got_kind_of_bummed_today_because_ill_never_know/