A couple years ago, on a beautiful summer day, I found myself on a bus driving past Arcachon, France. With a small group of peers, the day was perfect for exploring the coastline. We arrived at Dune du Pilat, ready to see the largest sand dune in all of Europe.
The bus arrives and lets us off. We are on the mainland, behind the dune. Its only a short hike to a staircase leading up to the top of the back of the dune. Once the stairs run out, I hiked up to the top of the dune (mind you, I really only climbed 10% of it because we came from the back). I reached the top after multiple rests, huffing and puffing. My friends waiting for me at the top.
At the highest point of the dune, you can see for miles. The French side of the Bay of Biscay in front of you, showing off its picturesque sand bars. Fine sand surrounding you everywhere, and this massive 100+ m drop laying in front of you. It is the one you have dreamed of since you were a kid. Regardless of your age, this dune is screaming at you to run down, fall down, roll down, and enjoy yourself like you were a kid at the beach knowing you're safe because its just sand.
My friends head down, ready to crash down into the crystal clear ocean. They encourage me to come with them. I want to. I need to. ITS WHY WE CAME HERE.
But the fear is there.
Going down is so easy. But coming back up is so hard. Insurmountable. My heart wants it to be possible, but is it even possible for my heart? I wouldn't dare make the bus wait for me, because I struggled to make it back, the epitome of everything I was. Thousands of miles from home, what would happen if I DIDN'T MAKE IT?
No, it couldn't be worth it.
I stayed up there.
Wind blowing across my face, watching my friends enjoy their time so far away. I sat alone on top of this hill through self preservation, and my punishment was self contemplation.
I am fortunate for the experiences I have had, but that day I missed an experience. I will never get that choice back. I lost something that day, and it didn't need to be that way.
It was too late at that point, but I lost the wrong thing. A culmination of choices lead to that dark moment. Choices I continue to battle with.
The choice I have now made is to no longer lose experiences. In the moment, losing weight seems so hard. But reflecting on missed opportunities is far tougher for me. I need this reminder to help me in my journey.
I have made changes to help me in the present and the future. I hope these changes and choices will allow me to someday be faced with a similar situation, where I choose yes. Where the choices I have made allow me to enjoy that experience. I am not where I need to be yet, but I believe I am on the right road.
As I type at 2AM in the morning, I don't know whether this post is for me or for the community. Maybe it is for both. I have uncorked some of the most aged wine in my cellar here, and if you want a glass, we can toast.
Here's to making better decisions now, in order to make better decisions later. Let us lose the weight, and not the memories and experiences.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gf1flj/i_want_to_lose_the_weight_so_i_wont_lose_any_more/
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