I'm 27F, 5'2" and currently at my heaviest weight ever at 167 lbs. I felt my best at about 125 lbs. I have almost a phobia of feeling hungry, it brings up bad memories of an abusive relationship that resulted in me developing a mild ED, I dropped down to 115 lbs at that time, about 5 years ago.
I'm now in a happy marriage but have gained almost 40 pounds over the course of 2 years. I blamed my birth control and antidepressant, which I kinda need to stay on both of them to function... But my own actions have definitely contributed. I changed jobs and now sit almost 12 hours a day. I enjoy eating out with my husband a couple times a week. Ice cream is my weakness, even though I eat small portions.
I've struggled to lose weight because I get irrationally angry when I'm hungry, it honestly scares me because I don't feel myself at all. I also get light headed and exhausted when I feel hungry. I'm in no way starving myself, I first tried 1200 calories a day, then IF, now I use the Weight Watchers app. Whenever I "diet" I find myself obsessing over when and what I can eat next and it's all I can think about. I feel like what I eat is pretty nutritious, things like fruit, nuts, beef jerky, carrots, tuna...
And while antidepressants help, I still struggle every day to motivate myself to cook a healthy meal, go for a walk, or do a workout at home. I've never been athletic, even in elementary school I couldn't run a mile and I was skinny as a rail. I'm weak physically and mentally.
I've been checked for thyroid issues and everything is normal.
I guess I'm just kind of throwing my thoughts out there and hoping someone has some words of wisdom or good vibes. I hate how I look and feel and I'm just feeling defeated.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gsjppo/27f_at_my_heaviest_167_lbs_throwing_some_thoughts/
No comments:
Post a Comment