At the beginning of October, I was celebrating losing 30lbs and being down to 170 (22 m 6', for reference). I was feeling really good about myself for the first time in a really long time and was ready to maintain that weight, maybe try to lose a few more lbs if maintaining wasn't too bad. I started my PhD program this semester, and by October, I was constantly busy, tired, stressed, and depressed. I knew I was gaining weight but I was wary of the scale at first (I've been a bit scale obsessed in the past and thought maybe it was just a small fluctuation), and by the time it was obvious that I was really gaining weight I was too scared to weigh myself. I finally got up the nerve to do it at the beginning of January: 210 lbs.
Not only did I gain back every single pound and ten more, but it's also the heaviest I've ever been! Just three short months after I was feeling great about myself, feeling like I had finally done it, and now I'm heavier than I've ever been. I look like shit. I went on a date in December and when I showed up at the coffee shop, the guy I was meeting told me I looked fatter than in my tinder pictures and left. (A bit of a side note, but gay male beauty standards regarding weight are so, so rough. People are downright cruel if you're even a bit overweight [I'm sure women probably experience this too]). I just about lost my mind completely after that. I feel so, so bad. I probably sound like I'm being overly dramatic, but this close to the worst I have ever felt. I've seriously considered dropping out of my doctoral program so I can be less stressed and focus on getting the weight back off. But I don't even have any confidence that I can lose it and keep it off; what if I lose the 40 lbs and then gain 50? I have no idea what to do.
Sorry for the long ass rant. I know I don't have a real question or anything, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I could use any support or helpful advice (just no 'tough love' please--I'm already being plenty tough on myself lol).
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ep0w9v/lost_30_lbs_then_gained_40_lbs_in_3_months/
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