Any advice is appreciated! Sorry its long.
A little background on me: I'm a 20 year old female, 5'6, HW: 220 LW: 167, CW: 173
I've struggled with my weight. my entire life; there is not one point in my life that I can think that I was completely happy with my weight. I've basically yo yo dieted my whole life. Usually I can stay consistent for about a month or two, eat one bad meal that then turns into another month or two binge. Repeat this cycle.
This past summer I became really strict on my fitness. I felt amazing; I was working out consistently, eating in my calories, losing weight, and had the willpower to say no to any meal. This soon became a slippery slope. It started with my eating in my calories, but eating junk food. Then it became trying to get my calories down dangerously low. Then I would be so hungry that once it turned midnight, I would eat my calories for the next day and by 3am all my calories would be gone. Then I began binging again, followed by guilt. Then, I would try to counter this by doing like an hour and half of HIIT.
I lost about 10-15 pounds this summer. Then, I came back to college and it's been a mess. I tried to stop calorie counting and intuitively eat, but once I ate something bad, I would binge the rest of the week. Now, I've been binging basically everyday. I feel like complete shit. But my friends want to fo out for dinner tomorrow, and this weekend we are going to the city and just eating food basically, AND then I go home and it's thanksgiving. I just don't know what to do. I think I'm also struggling because I have no workout schedule like I did at home. Here, I'm scared to go to the gym with people my age because I feel like I lost all my fitness.
I just don't know how to accept that food is a part of life. I know I need to learn how to handle myself around it because it is always around and never going away, but I literally just have been binging so bad. And it's super hard because I really want to lose weight. So I feel like I have to restrict and calorie count because I want to lose about 20 more pounds. It's like I'm depressed and binging when I'm gaining weight, but I'm also depressed and binging when I'm losing weight. I also have this fear that I'm wasting my youth not being completely happy with my body. I know that if I would've just stuck to a weight loss plan YEARS or even MONTHS ago, I could've lost the weight.
What has really been bothering me is the way food has ruined experiences in my life. My friends and I are vacationing next month and I'm literally dreading it because I have to decide what to eat. This summer I cancelled so many plans and stressed about what I was going to eat so much. I didn't go on a family vacation because I was worried about my deficit. This summer, I cried on the Ferris wheel after a week long vacation because I ate a slice of pizza. Last Christmas break, I felt miserable and wanted to leave the whole time when we visited family because I was eating like shit. I know its self inflicted because I'm always like I either it good or bad, no in between.
So, any advice on changing my relationship with food, but also losing weight? Thank you!!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/yx87vv/how_do_i_get_out_of_this_cycle_any_advice/
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