Demotivated and frustrated and desperate.

Extremely whiny post coming up, just want to rant. Turn away if you’re not interested.

I am 28F. 85kg. Trying to eat less - no special diets, just less food. And hating every minute of it.

I haven't been happy with myself for a long time and even though my life is generally fine at the minute, this particular problem/mindset keeps getting worse after everything I’ve tried. I am so unhappy with my body and my weight, and I’ve gotten into bad habits where I curse the number for not budging a smegging inch and then cursing myself by comfort eating and eating snacks that I don't even like and drinking things that don't make me feel good. Everything according to the internet is unhealthy, it's either 99% exercise 1% diet or 99% diet 1% exercise, no one can give me a straight answer on anything, and it's probably one of the most difficult battles ever in my life against a completely invisible enemy (me). I use LifeSum to track what I eat and according to the tracker I’m not eating enough. Yet my weight doesn’t budge. Not a single number. I thought I’d gone down a little bit but nope. Just sits there at 85kg. Might go down 1-2kg in the space of a few days. Otherwise nothing. I’ve been doing this for ages and not a single pound of fat gone.

I feel so hugely unattractive and heavy, refuse to have my photo taken in any capacity, and nearly screamed at one of my colleagues for taking a pic of me without me knowing about it (I chose not to say anything). and no matter what I do the number does. not. budge. To the point I am beginning to have desperate and rather scary thoughts about what to do. and it sucks. And it’s so so goddamn frustrating when like everything you eat is unhealthy. I bought rice which is apparently unhealthy now according to my app. What the hell is wrong with rice? it’s like WHAT the fuck are you supposed to even do? Oh but you also can’t eat too much of the same thing either?!

It’s fucking miserable, and I hate every minute of this. Starting to wonder if this is even worth it when I hate it so much and am feeling so rotten about myself :(

submitted by /u/ellzadeadhead
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/z6jbzi/demotivated_and_frustrated_and_desperate/