32 F - 5'7 - SW 294 (highest was 360) - CW 242
Was always overweight. Chubby kid. Fat high-schooler. Obese college student. Morbidly obese employee.
Had a few girl friends - much smaller than me. They loved shopping. I went along to hang out & get fast food. In college I was the fat friend who graciously held the purses while my friends tried on clothes in stores that only went to XL sizes. Meanwhile I pretended to be interested in the scarves, the jewelry, the shoes. I'd force myself to buy something just so I felt like I belonged.
Victoria's Secret was the worst part of any shopping trip. I never felt like I belonged. I was an imposter. I'd quickly bury myself in the perfume section while my friends looked at underwear & bras. I bought bras from Lane Bryant. My bras were practical & heavy duty & ugly. The bras at V.S. are adorable & trendy & sexy.
Two years ago I was briefly at 248 lbs & got the courage to go to V.S... I took like 8 different styles into the fitting room. I was so nervous & excited. One by one I couldn't fit them. Not a single one. I was still just a fat imposter making these employees restock all the shit I just tried on because I was delusional enough to think I could be part of this club of beautiful, cool girls who wear V.S. everyday. Never again. I'll stay in my lane (Bryant).
Last weekend my bf took me to the outlet mall & I wanted to go into V.S. for a lotion. I scurried over to the perfume section & avoided eye contact. He popped up a minute later with an adorable blue bra, "look at this baby - you'd look stunning - against your skin tone, this color, holy shit" I gave him a half-hearted "it's cute" but he wasn't having it. "You should try it on!" The horror. But COVID was my savior. "Changing rooms are closed. Maybe next time!"
We went back & forth a bit. He wanted to just buy it. "What size are you? We'll just get it without trying it on." Silly man. I'm like 44 DDD. I'm not fitting in that shit. But I kept my cool. "Not sure of my size. I've lost a little weight but I can just clip my bras tighter, no need for a new one." (That adorable bra will just judge me from the back of my closet. Never to be used.) As I'm saying this, an enemy approaches...
"Hi! Did you need a bra measurement? We can do that right over here! Follow me!" Oh my God. Get away from me you positive-vibes little harpy. You are advertising my humiliation. But my bf is eagerly pushing me toward her. I suffer through it. Anything to get the F. out of here. Screw the lotion I wanted. "Ok, looks like 36 D. Do you want me to recommend you some styles?" I'm sorry, what? I'm a triple D.
Like DDDamn those are big. Triple. And 44. The smallest bra I've ever had in highschool was 40. This little pixie is bad at measuring. But it's too late. He heard everything. "Where's the 36 D in THIS ONE?"
45 minutes later he's driving us home & I have $130 worth of underwear & bras in a bag on my lap. Y'all, I don't know what the hell happened. It went so fast. I was on auto-pilot & having a full out-of-body. I start pulling out the bras and find the blue one. "Try it on now! It's dark, other cars can't see anything." Kinky. And no, this shit won't fit. She measured wrong. MAYBE I'm 40 DD. That's a huge win. Although, if he's driving, he won't see my disappointment as I struggle to pour myself into this bra. I can lie, just say it's uncomfortable or it'll fit better after 5-10 more pounds lost, then bury it in the backyard along with my dignity.
I throw off my old bra and slip on this blue beauty.... and immediately start crying. Not cute tears. I'm ugly-sobbing in a bra on the interstate. He's sad. "Aww baby don't worry, I'm still so proud of you with your eating, it'll fit soon. Or we can buy others. It doesn't matter, please stop crying." I cry harder. I'm getting loud, it just won't stop. "Baby please calm down, people are gonna think I'm trafficking you."
This goes on for 20 min. Anyway, the bra fit. It fit. A Victoria's Secret bra fit me. I had a 20 min cry & a cataclysmic shift in my world view. At 32 years old, I am finally a woman that shops at V.S. & I feel like I just climbed Everest. This weekend I'm trying on everything in the "Lose All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" side of my closet & I'm fucking excited.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o5cp98/victorias_secret_made_me_cry/
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