Some days, I'm killing it with my calorie count, and workout, and feel amazing, other days, when I miss the mark, I feel horrible, fat and lazy. I start ragging on my appearance, and think I look stupid doing the workouts. I know the focus should be on lifestyle and health, but I'd be lying if I said my motivation didn't include vanity. (It's not the main reason)
I think about the days when I was a healthy weight, and how I didn't appreciate it, because I suffered from binge eating. I was suicidal, and an insomniac But I was treated way better. My mental illness was seen as this "quirky romantic thing" and now it's just viewed as lazy.
Mentally I'm the strongest I've ever been. I've had extensive therapy which I consistently attend, I'm on the right medication, and I have a much healthier relationship with myself. Thing is...a side effect of my anti depressants was weight gain. When you're no longer depressed, you eat more, go figure. I feel guilt for taking my meds because I'm no longer "The pretty one" in my family. I know it sounds shallow, but my looks has always been the main thing I was praised for by my family and strangers. Not my intelligence, not my work ethic, or my kindness, it was always, "You're so pretty!"
Unfortunately, guys can sense that. Cute body with low self esteem? Let's exploit that! So I had very toxic relationships that caused significant weight gain as well. I think subconsciously I gained weight to avoid attention from men. The weight is a representation of my trauma, and I hate it. I just want the inside to match the outside. But when I look in the mirror, I see that scared kid who let the world eat her alive. I survived though! I'm here, I've been through some serious shit, and that makes me a bad ass! What do you guys do to remind yourself of that?
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ez5i3k/how_do_you_keep_a_positive_attitude/
No comments:
Post a Comment