TLDR; I can't get my emotional eating under control. I'm not cleared to go back to the gym for another week or maybe even two and even then I don't know if I want to go back to that gym. I know what I should be doing but I just can't make myself do it.
My amazingly supportive and awesome husband is trying to so hard to help me but all he says is "you'll get back on track" "don't worry about it" and "you'll be fine". Do I even have to tell y'all that while I know the intention behind the words are well meant they do absolutely nothing to help or encourage me? I just want to scream at him I need help! but I know he can't do anything for me, I have to do it.
Started doing CICO mid-December, got back into the gym in January. Did amazing the first two months, lost 22 lbs, and then I had surgery in the middle of February which stressed me out and I allowed myself to eat at maintenance for about a week prior to surgery and mentally I was perfectly comfortable with that. After surgery I was off work for 5 days and went back to my deficit same day and did amazing with it... then I went back to work and life has been miserable since. I've gained 3 lbs since surgery. I doubt it's all water weight as I've still be tracking my calories daily and I have been heavily over, repeatedly.
I don't know if my hormones are just insane right now or if I actually hate my job (recent changes puts me more in contact with a coworker I don't like it, and it's a slow paced desk job) or maybe both? I'm on a birth control that doesn't really let me experience PMS symptoms but it's getting close to it being out of my system so I don't know if my body is just like RIOT! or what. I also had a salpingectomy (fallopian tubes removed) 3 weeks ago so maybe that has something to do with it? I have other symptoms that could be hormone related that I haven't had previously (in years) but I honestly don't know what's going on. All I know is I'm extremely miserable and all I want to do is eat but no matter how much I eat I still feel horrible.
I'm hoping I get cleared to go back to the gym next week as I think being able to push myself there will help me get motivated again but even if I do I don't think I'll be very eager to go as I hate my gym. It's a small gym in a small town and the person who runs it is obsessed with who I've dated in the past. My husband and I started going there after we bought our house (45 minutes from where we met and lived) and when the person running it realized I used to a date a somewhat local celebrity who used to train there she makes it a point to tell everybody that my-husbands-name's wife used to date my-ex. She even made sure to tell the ex of somebody my ex cheated on me with who my husband was. She often asks the guys my husband trains with personal questions about us. WHY? What does that matter at all? It makes me really uncomfortable and I don't trust her at all as she's too invested in my past. Ugh, see? That gym is a snake pit and I hate it. I'm 33, I don't want to put up with unnecessary drama when I can take my money elsewhere but he doesn't want to change gyms and I don't want to be that wife that makes him. He's a competitive powerlifter and has a meet coming up next month so I don't want to throw him off.
Things I have done to try to get myself back on track:
- my husband got me a new watch that tracks steps and calories burned and all that fancy jazz (apple watch, do they do challenges?)
- I bought a 6 week workout program from a personal trainer who has the body I dream of (Sarah Darrell on IG if you're curious)
- bought new airpods for the gym since my husband won't be going to train with me any more (I don't have any because we've trained together since we met and the ones I had before him are MIA)
- got a gallon water bottle with a straw to encourage me to drink more water
- downloaded a different food tracker app (Lose It, I've been using MFP since 2013)
- prepped my own food (my husband usually preps for me
The thing is, on the weekends when I'm off of work, I can eat perfectly without even trying. But when I pull into this parking lot I get instantly hungry and it doesn't stop until I'm on my way home. Home is like my safety zone. I feel 100% happy there, I feel fine. I need help, I need somebody to tell me how to make this stop. I have never experienced anything like this.
Any suggestions or advice? I'm sorry for being so whiny, nobody IRL understands how I'm feeling and I've been needing to get this out for a week or so now.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fhrets/im_surrendering_to_a_victim_mentality_and_i_need/
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