***By "it" in the title I mean junk food. This is what happens when I edit my title before I post it without rereading the entire thing.
Long post ahead.
I've been chubby pretty much my whole life. I'm honestly not sure if it's because my parents overfed me as a kid or genes or what (probably a mix of both). My parents were extremely poor growing up and probably didn't want me to experience the same hunger as they did, and everyone on my dad's side of the family is overweight. My dad was too when he was younger but worked hard to get it off and keep it off.
I have, unfortunately, developed a bad relationship with food. I was rarely allowed to have junk food as a kid, so things like chips or McDonald's were always a "treat" to me. When I was in high school and allowed to drive to school, I was, for the first time in my life, able to have fast food any time I wanted. I went to McDonald's for lunch or picked some up after school. I hid wrappers in my room and threw them away in the trash in secret. My weight shot up.
You might be wondering how I was overweight as a kid while rarely being allowed to eat junk food (before I started buying it on my own). Well, the sad part is that I look back on photos of myself in middle school/early high school and am shocked to see how that I was really just a little chubby and not nearly as enormous as I had thought I was at the time. I was a size 6, and that was before jean sizes started trending upwards (vanity sizing). Still chubby for my height, but not the enormous monster I thought I was.
In college I maintained my (over)weight for a while until my 2nd year when I got really depressed and began to depression eat. Weight went up again. That was the lowest point of my life as well as the highest of my weight (around 170 lbs on my 5'3" frame). I hated myself and ate more to cope. It was a vicious cycle. Junk food had always been a treat to me, and now I ate more and more of it to make myself feel better.
Some years passed. In that time, I graduated college, lost around 30 lbs, and went to grad school. Gained back around 15 of those pounds. I am, however, much better mentally. Now I'm on the weight loss road again at about 145ish. But... I still love my junk food! Quarantine has helped because I no longer leave my apartment for class, so it's easier for me to just force myself to stay at home and not pick up food.
Yet I find myself dreaming of the day I can taste the salty greasiness of fries again... or the cheesy richness of Mac and cheese... or the spicy sweetness of jalapeno kettle chips. There are plenty of healthy foods that I enjoy, but in the end they never really give my brain the same kind of satisfaction that I get from sinking my teeth into a cheesy slice of pizza. It's as if I NEED it to be junk food to make myself happy. Even if I reach the same level of fullness from a healthy meal or a junk food meal, the healthy one just isn't as satisfying.
So... has anyone ever gotten over this kind of mental hump after losing the weight? Is it possible to get rid of mental "validation" that I get from being able to eat these foods? Like, I want to reach the point where I simply DON'T want to eat these foods in excess, instead of having to actively prevent myself from doing so. But at the same time, I can't ever see myself not liking junk food lmao.
Is this it? Am I doomed to crave, but rarely partake, in the deliciousness that is McNuggets for the rest of my life? Is there any hope of me breaking this weird mental validation I get from junk food? Has anyone done so successfully?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fsrjfx/has_anyone_here_whos_had_a_psychological/
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