I really hate to be such a downer in a positive subreddit, but I do need help and any advice would be appreciated. I can't motivate myself to lose weight and I don't know why I've never been able to get to that point.
For background, I have been continuously gaining weight since I was 12. I'm 5'8 and when I started high school, I was 140 pounds. By my senior year, I was close to 190 and now, in my senior year of college, I'm at least 220 (I haven't weighed myself in ages, but it wouldn't surprised if I'm 230). I have a terrible diet and eat excessively/eat lots of sugar, especially in drinks. Aside from generally eating poorly, I also eat reflexively when I am bored or depressed.
I have also had serious body image problems my entire life (even when I was 12, at which point I was average and not overweight). Though this has gotten a lot better as I have worked on it, my social anxiety has been so crippling. I am severely afraid of talking to people and being in social situations and a lot of it stems from people seeing my body. I have not gone to reunions for fear of people noticing I have gained weight and in the past, I haven't been able to do presentations where I stand in front of people. Upon first meeting people, my base anxiety was always about what the other person thought of my looks and I've spent my entire life wearing the same articles of clothing each week because I have no confidence to wear anything else. I haven't dated anybody (I'm 22) because of my body anxiety (and my social anxiety) and I rarely ever look in mirrors outside for fear of it making me anxious.
Of course, over the years, I've learned to love myself more. But the base anxiety I had over my body developed to broader social anxiety that has affected my quality of life and largely contributed to my depression when I was younger, even if it doesn't anymore.
The issue is, as depressed as I may become about my body, I still have no motivation to lose weight or eat healthily. As an adolescent and teenager, I tried dozens of times over years to lose weight and nothing ever worked because I lost motivation to continue. I stopped trying because I knew I couldn't motivate myself. I've passively watched myself gain weight for years without doing anything to stop it, not feeling enough disgust to snap into action (unfortunately, this is what typically fueled my past attempts to lose weight).
I desperately want to care though. I would actually love to care about anything. I can't motivate myself to do much at all, from maintaining my grades to practicing drawing (an old lost hobby). Gaining weight has only worsened my health and I'm extremely fearful that I won't ever stop. I was vaguely considering seeing a dietician just to force myself to talk about my weight. I can't stop myself from allowing myself to eat too much. I'm also pretty inactive and don't go out much (especially now).
Again, I'm sorry to be so down about this but I feel like I'm really stuck. Any help is appreciated.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fsrkxf/how_do_i_make_myself_motivated_to_lose_weight/
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