I just binged ate today for no reason other than boredom. Oh wow, a patient brought in donuts for my coworker and me because we were so nice. Oh look tomato soup and a salad, that makes up for those donuts. Shit, I need gas, better get a beyond burger and some curly fries while I’m at it. Damn, I’m bored, but hold the phone cause I got some veggie hotdogs in the fridge I can just throw in the toaster oven.
I have no idea how many calories that is. I thought about it after the last giant intake of food, then realized my leggings, which once fit me just a bit nicer, are rising up my ankles and the elastic is rolling down past my belly. All of my shirts that used to be baggy on me are all tighter. They even look smaller. Am I in denial? I wish I was, but I’m certainly not.
I’m sad when I look at pictures of myself on stage playing with my band. I should be proud but I get upset because I can’t stop looking at my hips. They’re too big and oh god my thighs, why?
There’s a lot of factors that came into my weight gain: medications, stress, depression, anxiety, irrational decisions, nihilism, drinking, my social life, and my overall environment. I’m working on all of this now though, it took a lot of self awareness and some interventions to get to that point.
Saturday, I move into a new house. Saturday, I start a new chapter. Tomorrow, I will kick off that chapter by counting 1200 calories. Tomorrow I will take the stairs instead of the elevator. Tomorrow I will stretch when I wake up. Tomorrow, I will move a bunch of my stuff over to the new house. Tomorrow I will look myself in the mirror and pull my ass in gear.
I want to love myself and be confident, but most of all, I just want to be healthy both mentally and physically.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fe85to/day_1_is_officially_tomorrow_27f_53_cw_176_gw_125/
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