I kid, but it feels like abject horror. On the back of what I've just experienced, I am (in the true sense of the word with zero hyperbole) mortified.
I have one of those (boxing( heavy bag/speed bag stands out back. The actual 70 lb. bag's straps are broken, so I use a smaller, kid's sized one that I re-chain a bit higher. It flies around quite a bit when you hit it, but It's better than nothing.
Before you get any ideas, I'm not fit in the slightest. I'm a pack a day smoker, 36, and 100lbs or so overweight. I've been sat on my ass for the past 8 years, and after COVID hit, any kind exercise I got out of neccessity, or in the name of having fun, stopped cold last March. Everything got worse- take out all the time, more cigarettes, 24/7 ass-sitting (quite literally).
I'm not in denial, or delusional- I know how bad my health is. I just didn't expect... I don't know what I expected, I just didn't expect it to feel THIS bad.
I had to re-hang that children's heavy bag tonight. It couldn't be more than 40-50 lbs. I couldn't do it. My muscles were so weak, and so shaky, that the motor control I needed to hook the chain into the little triangular shaped, metal hook, just wasn't there. More than that, I just legit couldn't hold the bag up there for long enough. After maybe 4 seconds, it was impossible. I tried twice, but after the 2nd attempt, my heart was pounding, my chest hurt, and it was hard to catch my breath.
My 80 year old grandfather could have done what I just failed to do. A 12 year old child could have done that. ...And with much less trouble, too.
Eventually I just used my brain, and cheated it up there with a taller-than-average chair, some leverage, and clever chain placement.
It was so bad, I thought to myself at one point, "...Maybe I have cancer? Have I been wasting away because of some disease, and not known it?" Because I've *seen* that kind of struggle, that kind of weakness before. I watched my father go through it when I was a kid. When he would come home from chemo, when he couldn't make the 20ft or so walk to the front door from the driveway, and nearly quit on the front step.
On the way back into the house after putting the big chair I used back on the patio, I got emotional over it. I'm still a bit rattled, tbh. I just can't believe it was THAT hard. I'm worried there could be something wrong with me. That's probably not true but... it was just such a struggle to even pick the thing up with both hands at first. I could *feel* the weight of it in my shoulders, and in my back before hand. You know, like that feeling you get when you kind of tug on something, to check how heavy it is before you pick it up, and your body tells you, "Hey, this might be a bit much for us right now."
...Except it was only 40 goddamn pounds. Forty fucking pounds, man. Forty. I just can't wrap my head around it. I've never felt so weak before in my entire life.
I don't know what I'm asking for here... I know what I have to do, how to do it, etc. I've got weights, I know how to eat/drink, I've got time, etc... I guess I'm just looking to see if anybody's like me, or been like me, or been like me and then brought themselves back from brink and got back to "normal" again. Not like, "I'm 19 and I can binge drink, run a 5k the next morning a sprained ankle, and be healed 2 days later" kind of normal, but like- normal for my age (36). Maybe even a bit better than that.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit writing this was also cathartic in it's own right, so if you've read it- thanks for taking the time.
Also, I just got off amoxicillin for a tooth-ache that spread. Had me feeling shitty for about 2 weeks, but it's been gone for a couple days now. I don't know if that had anything to do with it either, but maybe one of you does. I'd appreciate the (scientifically informed) information if anybody'd like to offer it. Thanks in advance, guys.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mct6l0/i_just_had_a_huge_reality_check_and_im_well_im_a/
No comments:
Post a Comment