F 19 // I gained 5kg and I'm okay with it

F 19, 5'2, CW: 185 HW: 210

Not going to lie, it was sad to see that number on the scale... I had lost 15 kg and now I've lost 1/3 of that progress! But it was a very stressful time in my life and I coped with it with my binge eating.

<vent>

I had a deep bummer episode all through december to february. I haven't gone to a psychologist so I don't want to say that it was depression, I just stayed at home lying in bed and existing, crying almost every day, unable to do the things that I loved. I hated it but I don't remember much of it, only that some of my most recurrent thoughts were; your friends don't like you because you are fat, if you were skinny you would get so much attention, etc. I was so very very insecure.

I've recently come out of it thanks to me dealing with those feelings instead of surpressing them, like I'm used to do. I put it into words in a comic...I'm not ready to talk, but that has really marked a turning point in my head. It gave me peace, as if thanking me for not invalidating my thoughts like I always do.

I started to move out of my comfort zone. Small steps, I'm opening up. My friends said to me the other day that I was way more open about myself (in a good way!) and that almost made me cry, thank you for noticing I worked so hard on it!!!

So now, with those 5kgs on me, I'm learning how to love myself and actually lose it for my body, and not for other people's acceptance! And, having grown up as a person who relied so much on other people's opinion, THAT FEELS SO LIBERATING. I feels as if I've made peace with my mind and thoughts.I have things to look FORWARD to!!!

</vent>

TLDR: Realized I am worthy of love, stopped caring about what other people think, started being more open with friends, am now in a journey to lose about 50 lbs... but happy :)

Also PS, stay inside and safe folks

submitted by /u/VasAMorirMoe
[link] [comments]

source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/fo1in4/f_19_i_gained_5kg_and_im_okay_with_it/