It's so sad to me how much my self worth us tied to my weight, and as a formerly "naturally skinny person" i never understood that.

I'm slightly overweight, and up until the past year I was naturally skinny.

I've always eaten relatively healthy, and been moderately active - but I never had to try or think about being fit - it was just effortless. I'd assumed it'd always be that way for me.

Now I'm 31 and my weight is such a struggle, I'm 5'7", 160 large frame - id always been about 135, and that looked super lean on me.

I don't drink pop, I rarely eat things like pizza or sweets, maybe 1-2x a month. And I try and stay active.

When I was thin, I never felt remorse or guilt for eating a cookie - and when I was thin I'd eat 5 if I felt like it, or if I felt like having a pint of Ben and Jerry's I would (not that I did it often. But you know I had zero emotions about it)

Now that I'm overweight and hate my body, I try not to allow myself any junk foods, and if I do decide to say have a scone with a coffee on a Sunday - I feel guilty and ashamed. If I want something like ice cream or pizza, I won't buy it or eat it.

It's just so weird to think how being overweight has made my relationship with food so psychologically damaging.

I also hate how my body feels, my breasts went from a B to a DD, and I fucking hate it. They just feel huge and full and gross, I can no longer effortlessly go braless, it's just so physically uncomfortable. Most of my weight gain has been in my chest and hips, which people say is a blessing - but I used to have a body I loved and now I absolutely hate it.

I've been calorie restricting and watching my diet but it doesn't seem to make a difference.

It's like my weight has plateaued and doesn't seem to want to go down no matter what I do.

I actually ask myself "how the fuck is this the same body?"

I don't understand how it changed so much. It's not like I had a major dietary or lifestyle change, it just started happening.

If anything I eat much less and much healthier than I did before - because I used to not think about it. But I always focused on eating unprocessed foods and I actually thought that was why I was thin lol, but I guess not.

I just think about that a lot, how when I was skinny my relationship with food was so healthy and now I almost view it as my enemy.

submitted by /u/WaterrrLilly
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ow7v6m/its_so_sad_to_me_how_much_my_self_worth_us_tied/