Long story time. But please bare with me. A little bit of background - I’m a 19 year old girl that went from a triple varsity athlete in high school, to an obese BMI in less than 2 years.
At first, I loved my body, I loved my shape. A trimmed waist I worked hard for and a booty (thanks mom for that one)
But no matter how much people told me “I wish I had your body!” Or “Girl, you look great!” A little inkling at the back of my mind started telling me that it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough.
Soon came freshmen year of college. I surfed all day, I swam constantly. I started looking better and better. But then I turned 18. I was able to go out and eat with friends and my mom couldn’t tell me no. I went to parties, drank 800 calories in liquor 2-3 times a week. Waking up with a headache meant I would devour the brakes at buffet on campus. Very quickly... the weight came.
I grew up with a fit dad, who despised the thought of his children becoming fat. I could tell he was disappointed with each pound that became apparent on my little 5’2 frame. So I hated myself more. My tiny bodied Asian family members never ceased to remind me I had gained weight.
My college-sweetheart is a gym rat, a six pack and muscles fill his shirts. The more weight I gained, the more I hated standing next to him. I couldn’t take it anymore. I hated hearing my family and friends say how big I had gotten. I had put on 30 lbs in 6 months. I stopped surfing and swimming because I became so embarrassed to be in a swimsuit. On my short stature, the 30 lbs were so obvious.
I would lose a pound every week, but it wasn’t fast enough for me. I wanted my old body back. I didn’t want to be shamed anymore.
I secretly got full abdominal liposuction that cost $6000, months of painful healing, and feelings of guilt I could not overcome. But, here’s the kicker.
Despite a surgery that took off 15 lbs of fat from my midsection, I still got called fat. I was still reminded daily that I need to lose weight because it’s obvious how much I’ve gained.
I fell so depressed that I said - you know what? Fck it. I’m gonna eat, since I’ll never be good enough anyways. This surgery doesn’t matter, the money doesn’t matter. *I don’t matter.
Well I gained ALL my weight back and more. I’m almost 20lbs heavier I was BEFORE MY OPERATION. And I realized...
Why was I doing this for other people to notice? Why did it matter? I need to do this for me. For MY health. MY own self-worth.
So today, I came back to the gym. Today I ate at a calorie deficit. Today, I take control of my body and I don’t care what ANYBODY else has to say. I’m 50 lbs overweight. I’m proud of myself for wanting to change this. I didn’t need that surgery, I didn’t deserve the shame.
Day 1 starts today!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mb5vhc/i_hated_my_body_so_much_that_i_had_drastic/
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