Frustrated by no progress

Hello everybody (btw, I'm 33 and female, and I'm 1.60 and 73kg).

I've been lurking around and have found so much support here that I wanted to share my story.

I have been overweight all my life. I started out as a really skinny girl but by age 8 I was already overweight. I blame my family's attitude towards food (food has always been about anything but nourishment--cellebrations, coping mechanisms, a way of expressing feelings). At this point I'm responsible for myself, but watching old family videos it was really painful to see all of those bad habits taking root since I was a kid (the one that hit me the most was me, age 10, getting ready for a huge lawn party we had for my grandmother's 70th birthday. We were about to start a food-related event, and there I was just popping a croissant in my mouth without even thinking about what I was doing, just 300+ calories as a reflex).

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Anyway, at age 13 I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, which has made everything even harder, since there is a lot of fat-phobia and fat-blaming by medical professionals, all the time.

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So...I am now 33. I have never been happy with my weight. My usual weight is 68 kg. I have had some minor success with Beachbody exercise programs. In 2018 I tried 80 Day Obsession together with a subscription to Noom, and I was able to drop to 64 (which I gained back, of course). I may go up every now and then, but I'm usually 68-69.

Even though people look at me and think I've never been to a gym, I think I'm pretty active--hitting the gym at least 30 minutes a day 3-6 times a week for the past 10 years and walking some 15k steps daily. Until the pandemic.

I moved back home (I was studying abroad) and rose to 72. I have been this weigh before, but never for such a long time. What's worse, it's been almost a year since I oscilate between 72 and 75. My clothes are very tight and I just feel myself larger, and I hate it.

I am finishing my PhD so I just hang around at home, writing or doing pretty sedentary stuff. But still, I have tried to stay active. I have finished 21 Day Fix, 80 Day Obsession, and 21 Day Fix Extreme. I have an Apple Watch now and have completed at least 190 days of activity. I try to get at least 10,000 steps every day, even if it's just me walking in circles in my room.

My biggest issue is food--I just can't stop binging or grazing. I have tried different strategies to be mindful with my eating but after some time I "break" and feel like I go berzerker and eat everything in my path. This leads to huge stretches of "what the hell" where I just keep eating like that for days. It gets so bad that I end up eating even old chocolate someone was keeping around...

I'm really frustrated because I don't want to be this size. I want to be bellow 60kg. At this point, after having been >72 for such a long while, even going back to my usual 68kg would be nice. I feel like no matter what I do, I cannot lose any weight. I feel that my thicker neck makes me choke on some clothing. I hate my stomach and how it gets in the way for me, and doesn't let me do even the simplest poses. I feel trapped.

submitted by /u/mrs_rabbit_0
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/mbs0rd/frustrated_by_no_progress/