In 2018-2019 I lost about 30 lbs, from 185 to 155 ish (24F 5’8”). I know those numbers are probably child’s play for many of you but to me it was a huge success and effort after several years of failed dieting as a teen. For once I was (almost) happy with my body.
Cue summer 2019 when I developed severe depression and bulimia. I had terrible body dysmorphia and self harmed regularly. Dark days.
2021 now thankfully I think I’m the other side. Been going through treatment for several months and haven’t had a true binge episode in a very long time. But I’ve gained all the weight back and then some. Now I’m at 195, on the verge of obesity and it TERRIFIES me.
I want to lose weight again but I’m scared that it might send me down the dark path of bulimia again. I’m scared to talk to my therapist about it because she preaches HAES but it’s starting to feel kind of suffocating and while I hate my body less I’m still not satisfied with where I am. (Yes I know maybe I need to find a new therapist.) I already plan to do CICO 1800/day and taking longer walks with my dog to start out, I feel like that’s totally doable. But still, I’m so scared.
Can anyone else with ED history share their experience and words of advice? Can I get hugs and reassurance that everything will be ok?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/leek3q/i_want_to_lose_weight_again_but_im_scared/
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