tw: mentions of eating disorder
So I’ve finally hit my goal weight! :) I’d like to celebrate by sharing a bit about my journey and what changes I’ve made to get the results I have.
I developed my eating disorder around ~16 years old. I am a person with C-PTSD, and eating disorders are an unfortunately common comorbidity. I struggled with poor self-image for a long time prior, but it manifested fully at this point as bulimia. Omitting the triggering details, at my worst, I binge/purged 2-4 times per week. My binges would typically be late at night and up into the 3,000 calorie range of foods such as cereals, peanut butter, breads, pasta, takeout, etc. Lots of carbs. I would just say “F*ck it” and eat whatever I wanted, since I had a “sneaky” way of getting around those pesky calories. Spoiler: it didn’t work.
I gained 20lbs. My teeth began to rot (a record of 7 cavities!). I hated what I saw in the mirror yet I couldn’t stop looking. I would get dizzy and near fainting when I stood up. I was protein deficient since a majority of my intake was shoveled-down carbohydrates and I constantly felt sleepy and lethargic. My muscle tone diminished, making me feel even worse about myself and furthered my spiral. My parents were terrified I would eventually rip my esophagus or go into cardiac arrest from lack of electrolytes.
What I did to change:
1) Get therapy/psychological help. First and foremost I had to deal with the issues and traumas that spurred me on in the first place. For a long time, I truly believed I was incapable of changing my body to be how I wanted it to be. Obviously that is not how bodies work, I am no medical anomaly, but it was a mental roadblock to pass. It was my lovely therapist that suggested I try aiming for health and muscle tone rather than being skinny. I also got on Prozac and found it has worked wonders for me! It is weight-neutral and helped stabilize my mood so I would not be so apt to emotional binging.
2) Quality calories. I began paying closer attention to fiber, healthy fats, protein. I have been vegan for 6 years, and neglected honing in on my protein sources. I went from getting maybe 25-30 grams per day to 90-115 grams! I cut down on the fruits and carbs, though I definitely still eat them daily in smaller portions and/or lower calorie swaps. I eat plenty of soy/tofu, meat alternatives (i.e Beyond meat, tempeh, veggie burgers), beans and legumes, whole grains, nuts, olive oil, and avocado. I researched about the thermogenic effect of food, and it blew my mind I could burn more calories by eating more protein AND feel fuller! I eat about 1500-1800 calories per day, bumping it up to 2000 around that time of the month.
3) Consistent exercise. The best exercise you can do it what you will stick with. For me, that is weight lifting and walks. I’m doing Starting Strength with dumbbells at home. I go for 30-45 minute dog walks daily. Walking is a very lazy way to exercise and I love it. I listen to music and sing, daydream, play podcasts or YouTube videos, chat with people in my neighborhood. Bonus points since my neighborhood is very hilly.
4) Accept the bad days but refuse to entertain them. I’m a perfectionist by nature and I would let my binge days turn into binge days or even weeks. I would wake up and feel grody. Wouldn’t wash my face, wouldn’t do my schoolwork, wouldn’t leave my bedroom. I’d just stay in bed and eat crap and waste the day away in a depressed stupor. The classic “it’s already ruined, just go all out”. It’s okay to have bad days, I expect and prepare for the days I overeat. I no longer starve myself in compensation or pinch myself in the mirror post-meal. Each day is a new day and it is both compassionate and practical to just shake it off and try again.
5) Find “my foods” and stick to them. I figured out my tastes and adapted my meals around that. I love savory, carby foods and big voluminous meals. I replaced foods with higher-protein options (e.g pasta to black bean noodles, bananas to blackberries, brown rice to quinoa) For breakfast I typically eat the same thing: 2 tbsps peanut butter on whole grain toast, Just Egg vegetable omelette, berries or an orange, and some vegan meat like Benevolent Bacon. For lunch I will eat a pack of tofu with harissa paste served over raw spinach or a lavash vegetable wrap. Dinner is lighter, with miso soup and salad or a stir-fry. I love ending the day with a couple squares of dark chocolate.
It’s been a long road to get here and a long road to stay here, but I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of things 💞
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ls01zj/f1857_proteindeficient_and_bulimic_to_lifting_and/
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