Hi guys! I’m not new to this sub but this is my first post. I’m about to turn 17 and I’m 5’5, 184 lbs. I’m a girl btw!
I’ve been struggling with my weight for years. I’m Arab and if any of y’all are from that background, y’all know that we can really eat. I’ve always been chubby and my family eats a lot of oily and meaty foods. We definitely eat our vegetables but it’s honestly a matter of balance and portion sizing. My family’s a bit overweight. We aren’t obese and we honestly carry our weight well. Im on the curvy side and full but I feel as if my weight is proportional. However, we have health issues in our family that I want to avoid and losing weight would help me be less at risk.
I think my lowest point was after a group of guys harassed me for a year about my physical appearance. I would get teased and poked in public by boys a couple of years older than me and would have constant panic attacks. My best friend would go behind my back to harass me and I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. I was also sexually assaulted over the summer and just felt so stuck and depressed. That paired with familial financial issues and the stressors of my junior year resulted in me going to food for a source of happiness. I would sneak tubs of ice cream, cookies, chips, and chocolate in my room for multiple days a week. Whenever I was nervous about a test, I would go to chick fil a and order a shit ton of food before studying. I was eating roughly 1500 calories in snacks a day. With this, I started weirdly caring a lot about my appearance. I would eat a shit ton but I would also wake up early to put on makeup and curl my hair and dress nice. I was basically treating my body like crap but covering it up so no one really suspected anything. I was never really comfortable with how I looked.
I would go through cycles of dieting and exercising and feeling AMAZING. I always cycle between losing 10 pounds and gaining them back after the motivation declines. However, I never know how to let it stick.
Right now, me and my sister are trying to lose weight. She’s been doing pretty good and has lost 12 pounds. I was doing great at the start. I was drinking a lot of water, eating at a caloric deficit, exercising often, and being productive regarding school work. I was taking quarantine by storm and getting stuff done that I normally wouldn’t have time to do.
Suddenly, I just stopped. I started waking up at 11 and eating terribly. There would be times that I’d not drink ONE bottle of water for two days. My acne started up again and I felt myself bloat. I started feeling disgusting and not only that, but I would slack on work I knew I had to get done and just sit in my bed and eat.
Just a couple of hours ago, I bought some cookies and chocolate and binged about 800 cals i after dinner. I feel so guilty doing it but I just keep going. I just want to feel full?? I think? I’m honestly not even sure. I just eat compulsively at this point. I don’t know when I’m hungry or not. I’m just always so confused.
I think what I’m getting at is- how do I train myself to stop? I’m just so lost. I can’t keep up with this anymore. I want to live life to the fullest but my lifestyle isn’t letting me get there. I feel so drained and sad all the time. I don’t know what to do.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gclel0/help/
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