Hi everyone.
I am 26f I stand at 164cm tall (5ft4in) Current weight: 123kg (272lbs) Goal weight: 55 (121lbs) Weight to lose: 68 (150lbs)
I am currently considered morbidly obese.
TL:DR it's my fault I got this big.
I bit of backstory. I grew up in a family where none of the women were happy with their bodies, everyone was either on a diet or starting a diet and talked constantly about losing weight whilst most of them were overweight if not obese themselves.. so I already started to have body image issues from a young age.
Due to that I developed disordered eating and then later in life to cope with my abusive upbringing I developed an eating disorders at 14. I have been overweight since I was 12 and obese from 17. I can't remember a time I was a healthy weight.
But I have also always talked about losing weight, even before I was 14 but I have always kept putting weight on. It doesn't help that I quit smoking 3 years ago so I out in weight then.
The problem with my weight though, is that my pride and ego refuses to accept that it is in anyway my fault. I have gone from doctor to doctor to have every test possible to make sure I am not unwell and that's why I am getting bigger, and when I get told I am perfectly healthy I just get angry. Or blaming medication for my weight gain when it's really only been when I am on anti depressents that my weight has been stable.
And with all that, I am the heaviest I have ever been. Over the last year I have received help (health, trauma etc) where necessary and feel much better about the prospects of losing weight.
But for some reason I was getting bigger, well it must be something else making me fat...WRONG!
My bank account is currently over drawn, I borrowed money off a friend to make it to pay day, I used vouchers to buy groceries.. but where did all my money go. Well? Takeaway.
I have an addiction to takeaway, I mean how else do you keep putting on weight when all people see is you eating healthy home cooked meals, even though I am to ashamed to admit I buy takeaway every other day. I recognised these addict behaviours this week, they remind me of what I was like when I used to smoke. And my pride and ego took a hit as I was forced to accept my addiction and the role I have played in my own weight gain, I could no longer lie to myself, it was set in stone.
But I feel encouraged, no more lying to myself. No more playing the victim. I am obese from my own doing, and I'll become healthy by my own doing.
I think I now can tackle this weigh loss journey. I have some fears and hesitation (but that's for another post), but with the right support network. I'll get through this.
Any tips and tricks would be wonderful.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/lw1p1n/i_26f_just_need_a_place_to_share_my_epiphany/
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