Back in beginning of summer of 2020 I was experiencing really bad stomach problems (I had stomach problems my whole life they just got really bad then). It was happening to the point where it affected my everyday life I couldn’t do anything without the fear of having uncontrollable stomach pains and having to run to the bathroom no matter where I was.
I decided that I needed to just start cutting back how much I eat and start eating very plain foods like grilled chicken for example, because it wouldn’t hurt my stomach nearly as much and I finally got some peace of mind in that department. I did a complete 180 and I ate so much less and the not garbage food anymore.
I’ve been overweight my entire life and I always hated it about myself but never had the urge or desire to do spending about it. I avoided scales my whole life not stepping on even at doctors.
I was roughly 350lbs, my mom says I could’ve been even higher. Fast forward to recently everyone says how thinner I look and how good I look, I’ve received so so many compliments from people. My mom basically forced me to get on a scale so I did (I wanted to know for a while but couldn’t build up the courage to get on). So I said screw it and got on, I heard the gasp of my mom and my sister and I look down and it read 263. I couldn’t believe it, I lost roughly 90lbs. Just by changing how I ate and not exercising once. Excuse my language but holy shit. My mom couldn’t wait to tel people from my family and family friends. I even told a few of my closest friends the actually number cause they’ve been saying how good I looked recently.
I’m so afraid of gaining the weight back. Now that people know how much I lost if I gain it back it’ll look so bad on my part. And on top of that I actually like how I look! I never noticed how different my body looked until my mom took a picture of me when I was wearing nice clothes (tighter pants and shirt with a leather jacket). I don’t wanna go back to how I was before. I had to throw out so many clothes that were just too big on me, shirts that looked like blankets and pants that just fell down to my ankles even if I pulled the strings on them. It’s a good feeling.
I feel so guilty for eating and feeling full, for example tonight I made a grilled chicken wrap with lettuce tomato avocado no sugar bbq sauce and a salad with no dressing. I feel so full and guilty for it and all I ate earlier was 3 egg whites with a piece of cheese on it. I feel guilty if I eat something different than what I’m used to. I’m so afraid of gaining this weight back.
My mind is telling that since I lost all that weight so fast by eating what I assume is not a lot of calories, that I can easily gain it back even if I eat my “maintenance calories.” I don’t count calories because as you can tell if I did my mind would go crazy cause I have an addictive personality, plus I never wanted to be so strict with calorie numbers I just liked eating better and now looking better.
I know this way of thinking is most likely very toxic cause I’m freaking myself out. It’s all I can think about and I’m not even where I wanna be yet weight wise. It’s making my so anxious thinking about if I overate when everyone is telling me that I didn’t. My family still says I’m not eating enough. I don’t mind eating healthy how I’m doing it now I just want to lose more weight to get to a healthy weight and not feel horrible if I occasionally have a cheat meal with a friend or something.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/li1tue/im_petrified_and_anxious_about_gaining_weight/
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