Hi ya'll. I've lurked here a long time on and off. Clearly I'm back again so that means I've finally gotten to the point where I'm not comfortable and unwilling to lie to myself.
I'm a 32 year old woman, I've had two kids, one 13 years ago and the other almost 4 years ago. I'm 5'1" and I'm not really sure how much I weigh currently, I've been putting off buying a battery for a scale. Probably around 185-190 if I trust my mother's old school one.
I'm here because I did really good on keto after my most recent kiddo. I had gestational diabetes with him, which was a first, and was around this same weight after I had him. To be here again without the kid really sucks. With keto I got down to around 160, my comfort zone is about 150-160. I've never felt very healthy when I get into 120/130's like doctors want me to for my BMI. I feel like I'm a walking skeleton (personally, for me; I know everyone has their own happy weight area and that may be perfect for others, so no shade if that's what works for you!).
I've put off trying to lose weight for so long again. First I had the excuse of my job, which helped with that a lot. But now since Covid I'm a stay at home and pseudo teacher cause my kid's at home too. Not a lot of time for exercise anymore, and no job to go back to. Since I first got laid off back in March, I've slowly watched my weight climb, and now it's to the point where I'm uncomfortable, my excess fat makes laying down uncomfortable, I have shit joints anyways but they hurt more, I get winded doing stupid things. Idk. I've been halfway settling for it this whole time. But I've also got pretty bad body dysmorphia, so when I actively think about it or see myself, the whole charade comes undone and I panic. I'm unhappy, uncomfortable, I don't like myself right now, I don't feel pretty anymore, no matter who might tell me. It's awful for my mental health on top of being awful physically.
I guess I'm rambling to ya'll cause I don't really have friends anymore besides my husband. I've cut social media except for reddit because I just can't watch people on there anymore right now. I guess I'm just hoping for some extra like... Humans to give me some cheerleading. I kinda hate to want that, but I know it helps.
Tomorrow I'm going to the store. I'm going to start keto again, because in my entire adulthood it's been the only diet I can follow that actually has an impact on my weight. I'll be trying out the macros I used prior, and basing it around a 1250 calorie intake, to see how that does for me. I'm going to try to start walking a few times a week, or hitting up my in laws to use their stationary bike here and there. Maybe some yoga eventually, or weight training. It seems like another life that I used to do weight training. I'll just have to find my groove.
Anyways if you read this far thanks for reading. This is my post essentially to just announce to anybody at all what I'm doing, so I feel accountable. I want to be healthier for myself and my kids. I want to not hurt even when I lay down, and I'm just flabbergasted that I've gotten to that state. I want to be able to reward myself with a really nice piece of vintage clothing, simply because it sucks trying to find vintage plus sizes because they just generally didn't eat all the crap we do. So here's to starting a journey.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ir98od/i_guess_im_just_posting_for_accountability/
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