So after months of successfully and consistently losing weight, I was feeling great. Then summer hit, things started to open up and more social events starting happening. For the last 3 months I've been struggling to lose as well as I was before. I've been eating out a lot more. I've had some bad binge days. I managed to finish May and June with just about a total loss so was pretty proud. However July has not been so good. I think my brain was like "Oh I had takeaway and binged that 1 time and I still lost weight". Coupled with some comments from friends about me not needing to lose weight or half jokingly to stop, I think I got too confident.
Last couple of weeks I've managed to gain 2kg ish. I overeat every day. The first few days were like "well I know how to lose weight now and I can just blast out a couple of perfect weeks to recover from this". Obviously this isn't a very good plan or very feasible. I binge 1 night, next day I feel sick/bloated/regret. Decide to skip breakfast/lunch/dinner whatever or have a very light meal of fruit + yogurt. Night approaches and somehow my mind just flips into "I need food now". I go out to a shop and just buy junk food, bread/pastries. I know this is bad. I know I shouldn't do this. But I need my minutes of satisifaction..."anyway Friend A said I looked good. I'll be really good starting tomorrow".
Currently I'm writing this after having eaten myself to the point of feeling physically sick yet again. I'm so embarassed and ashamed. Why have I done this night after night for over a week now. I feel like I've wasted all my previous efforts. I've wasted months of work for like 1hr of fake happiness and 23 hrs of regret and self-disgust. I feel like I know exactly what I'm doing but when I'm walking to the shop to buy some snacks it's like I'm just bystander looking at myself make the same bad decision I have for the last week+...
I need to stop. I need to not aim for perfection. If I can do one day at maintenance calories or even 10/20% over without buying any junk food or making my nightly trip I feel like I have control over this again. I will have technically "wasted effort" for a week of binging but bigger picture I still weigh a lot less than a year ago. I know a lot more about my body and general health than a year ago. I don't need to "make up" for the bad weeks. I just need to get the scale trending down again. I just need to break the cycle.
I never post or comment here but I'm hoping that by writing this down and stating my current goal that I can hold myself accountable for it. Strangely I actually found this somewhat therapeutic and I feel like despite me always knowing what I should do, it now sounds more achievable. I will comment same time tomorrow night to hopefully report I ate like a normal person lol
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ow2cde/need_to_break_the_cycle/
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